


Check, Please!

by RookieSand



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BACK ON MY BULLSHIT, F/F, but did i ever leave it, mild drug/alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:08:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RookieSand/pseuds/RookieSand
Summary: Hilda is trying to find her life long partner. She's being hounded by her parents to find someone to settle down with to rein her in and to stop making them look bad. Day after day of horrible dates only makes her realize the person she wants is right in front of her. But what if she can't have her?
Relationships: Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Comments: 27
Kudos: 237





	1. ROXANNE

**Author's Note:**

> A few notes:  
> they're just smoking weed and having a good time there isn't much more than that.  
> also for this fic Marianne is taller than her canon height. That is almost not relevant at all but it is. 
> 
> Enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ROXANNE - Arizona Zervas

Hilda sat across from a boy with long, purplish, straight hair that reached his shoulders. His hair wasn't the only thing that was long on him either. He had a long nose, long fingers, long arms. He just was... long. She wondered if something else on him was long too, to keep with the theme. His skin was bordering on too pale and his eyes were slim and cat-like. Hilda was certain he was wearing makeup, not that she cared. He'd lined his eyes and put on some mascara that much she could tell. He'd maybe even taken the time to contour his face, which is more effort than Hilda had put in. She'd done the bare minimum of making herself look presentable. That's what she did for most of the dates she found herself on from an app.

Garreg Mach was one of the newest dating apps on the market trying to sell single twenty-somethings with time and money the idea of love. Hilda didn't mind the app. It was harmless and it had a steep pay-to-play which raised the bar of who got to use it. There were plenty of attractive people to be seen and just as many unattractive people. As far as dating apps went, it was nothing special. Although, Hilda's luck had led to each and every one of her dates being an utter failure. She supposed _that_ was pretty special. This date was not breaking that streak either. 

Lorenz Hellman Gloucester was a rich boy who had messaged Hilda first, as most people did. There wasn't anything remotely interesting about him and she knew that before hearing him talk. He was an average, run-of-the-mill, rich type that Hilda didn't much care for. She had only agreed to the date because she liked torturing herself and the prospect of a free dinner was something she didn't turn down lightly, regardless of the company. He had even offered to take her to one of the fanciest restaurants around. She'd taken the bait and was currently paying handsomely for it.

Hilda swished her wine around in her glass and eyed it. How much wine had she had already? She couldn't remember. She gulped down the rest of the glass and looked at Lorenz with one of the most glassy-eyed stares she could muster. "Lorenz, excuse me, I just have a question," she said out of the blue. He was going on about his accomplishments so she didn't feel bad for cutting him off midsentence. 

"Oh, yes, of course. What is it?"

Hilda looked back at her now empty glass wishing it was magically filled again. "How do you feel about pegging?" she said offhandedly. She peeked up at Lorenz to note his reaction.

Lorenz's face had somehow drained of more color which Hilda hadn't thought would be possible. He was white as a sheet. His mouth had dropped open and all that came out was, "P-Pegging?"

"Yeah," Hilda said with a wave of her hand and a shrug. "Like, you know, if I were to wear a strap and—"

"I know what pegging is," Lorenz said quickly, cutting her off before she could get too graphic at the dinner table. He tried to play it off as he straightened his suit jacket. "Why would you ask a question like that in public? It's not very... becoming of a lady such as yourself." He cleared his throat nervously.

Hilda rolled her eyes. Clearly, Lorenz had no idea what he'd gotten himself into. Though, he wouldn't know as Hilda had barely said anything about herself. The only time Lorenz even bothered to let her speak was when she was asking about him. Or if she was talking about herself, he was just waiting for her to finish so he could continue to talk about himself. "Is it yes or no, Lorenz?" Hilda said more curtly. 

"Um, well, I've never... considered it before, I suppose." It was clear that Lorenz didn't want to have this conversation and Hilda knew from his answer that he meant no. He also seemed a bit too nervous which made Hilda curious. Most guys she asked were either firmly against or for it. Though none of it truly mattered. She had just wanted to throw him off and it had worked.

Hilda nodded once and placed her napkin on the table to indicate she was done. "Well, I've had a pleasant evening," she said with a smile. She stood up from the table. "I'm going to the bathroom. I will not be coming back." As she passed him, she pecked his cheek and handed him a fifty-dollar bill. "Please don't call me."

Lorenz looked stunned as he watched her saunter off to the bathroom. He couldn't tell if she was drunk or just a bitch. Maybe a little bit of both.

Hilda plopped onto the toilet in one of the stalls with a soft sigh. She hated fancy restaurant bathrooms. They never had enough supportive drunk women to make Hilda feel better. She rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. What a boring date. He didn't even want to talk about anything fun. All he wanted to talk about his family's money and what he did for a living and blah blah blah. As if she cared. She rolled her eyes just thinking about it. After a long moment, she pulled out her phone and called the one person she could think to call after such a night.

"Hey, Mari," Hilda said sweetly into the phone.

"Are you in a bathroom again? I can hear you peeing," was how Marianne responded. She didn't sound thrilled, but this sort of thing happened often enough not to surprise her. "I told you to stop calling me when you're doing that. It's weird. And I'm busy."

Hilda laughed. "You could not answer the phone and then you wouldn't have to hear it."

"Of course, Hilda. I won't answer your call and then I'll get six more calls in a row. Then you'll never let me live it down that I didn't answer your call." She sounded frustrated but Hilda could tell that it wasn't directed at her, though she knew that she wasn't helping. There was a loud clang and the sound of water splashing. Marianne must've been doing her dishes.

"At least I'm just peeing. Anyway, I'm coming over in like twenty."

"Hilda, you can't! My place is a disaster. You know I'm moving." There was another loud bang followed by a short series of very tame curses. Hilda couldn't help the smile spreading across her lips.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say that, but when I get there it'll look like nothing happened at all." Hilda ungracefully balanced her phone between her cheek and shoulder as she tried to grab toilet paper. She'd had maybe one too many glasses of wine, but Lorenz had nearly bored her to tears. It was all she could do to stay sane. 

Marianne sighed. "Fine, come over if you want. It's not like there would be anything I could do to stop you. You don't listen to me."

"I listen to everything you say, Mari. I just don't follow your orders."

"I'm hanging up now. I can hear you struggling. Why don't you focus on going to the bathroom for once?"

"You doubt me." But as Hilda said that her phone clattered to the floor. She heard the very faint sound of Marianne saying goodbye and then the call ended.

Hilda hated driving—she had failed her driver's test two times and didn't try a third—she hated taking Uber, and she hated the subway. What she hated the most was her parents knowing where she was. It narrowed her options of travel exponentially and nearly nixed the idea of taking any of her family's cars and drivers. So she was stuck in the back of an Uber with her phone being blown up by Lorenz. He wasn't doing anything particularly heinous and he did deserve to know why she had left so abruptly, but she didn't have the energy. She thought she had been fairly clear about never speaking to him again so she had figured that would be enough explanation. Marianne had also texted her telling her that she was a nuisance which was very Marianne. She had not sent Hilda another text outside of that.

Hilda had her driver drop her off at a convenience store near Marianne's house so she could pick up Marianne's favorite cheap, bulk wine—a gift for being an inconvenience. Hilda decided she'd walk the rest of the way. The night was warm and as she got closer to Marianne's house she could feel her heartbeat start to pick up. There was nothing, in particular, to be nervous about. But Hilda felt wave after wave of anxious excitement at the thought of seeing her. It didn't take long until she was opening up Marianne's apartment door with her key.

"I'm here!" Hilda called as she entered.

The house smelled like popcorn and Hilda looked over to see Marianne sitting on her couch eating a giant bowl of it. She was wearing basketball shorts, a hoodie, and had her hair tied up in a tight bun. The couch was the only piece of furniture left in the room. The rest of the room was covered in cardboard boxes and trash bags. Hilda hadn't expected the house to be so barren. She felt a pit in her stomach. Marianne really was moving. She shook it off quickly and held up the bottle of wine.

"You're late," Marianne said with a raised eyebrow. She made no attempt to sit up from her very relaxed position. "You said twenty. It's been forty-five minutes."

"What are you? My mom?" Hilda walked over and placed the wine bottle in Marianne's lap. "I picked up wine from the store down the street and walked from there. Anyway, this blazer is itchy. Let me borrow some clothes." Without waiting for an answer, she turned and headed straight to Marianne's bedroom. She heard Marianne get up to follow her.

Hilda wasted no time going through Marianne's closet. Marianne's style was drab in Hilda's opinion. It optimized comfort over style. There were fewer options now that Marianne had packed away most of her clothing. After pulling out a few options, Hilda stripped down to her panties, tossing her clothes aside as if they didn't much matter to her. They didn't, of course. If she needed new ones, then she'd just get new ones. Marianne was leaned against the doorframe watching Hilda. Her gaze was curious but that was where it ended. Hilda started holding up shirts in front of herself as if she were truly thinking about her outfit.

"Hilda, was your date that bad?" Marianne asked as she folded her arms over her chest. Hilda could tell that she was trying not to stare by her quick glances at the floor.

Hilda shrugged and tossed aside a t-shirt. "He was just really boring. So many guys on that app are. They only want to talk about themselves and how big their balls are. And he didn't even want to be pegged. Can you believe that?"

Marianne shook her head and sighed. "You have to stop asking people if they want to be pegged on the first date."

"It's not like I liked him, so it doesn't really matter."

"Why are you torturing yourself with these awful dates again? You don't seem very happy."

Hilda sighed and leaned against the closet door, clutching a shirt close to her chest. "Because I have to. My parents are... expecting it. Holst found a wife. So I have to now or whatever..." She looked down at the ground and toyed mindlessly with the hem of the shirt. "Well, and they think if I find someone then I'll calm down. But honestly, I don't want to. I want to keep doing what I'm doing. I'm twenty-three. Why stop now?"

Marianne grunted softly. "Well, I wish I could have that life. Some of us have work in the morning."

Hilda looked up at Marianne. "Do you want to sleep together?" she asked quietly. "I kind of want to."

Marianne's face barely changed even though Hilda was trying desperately to look alluring. "I was going to just get high..." Marianne rubbed the back of her neck while she thought about it. "We have to take a shower first if we're going to."

"Why do you want to shower before having sex?" Hilda said as she crossed her arms over her chest. She tapped her foot impatiently. It seemed like a waste of time to her.

Marianne looked confused. "I like to be clean?"

"Yeah, but you're just going to get all sweaty and messy. Shouldn't you shower after? That makes more sense."

"I don't necessarily think that you'd be getting very sweaty. You don't really do much, do you?"

Hilda's jaw dropped. "Marianne!" Marianne had already dipped out of the room and was heading toward the bathroom. Hilda shuffled after her, abandoning the clothes she had been eyeing. "Oh my God, Marianne. I put in work."

Marianne made a soft 'mhmm' noise as she flicked on the light and fan in the bathroom. The bright lights made Hilda wince as she closed the door behind them. The bathroom was a little bit tight for two and barren aside from the bare essentials that Marianne needed. It was made even tighter with Marianne starting to undress. Hilda could almost forgive what Marianne had said as she watched her breasts pop out from her unhooked bra. Almost.

"Marianne, I'll have you know that I do plenty in bed."

Marianne just nodded as she started the water. Hilda bit her tongue. It was a lost cause at this point. She knew that Marianne was teasing her to some degree. It wasn't like they hadn't had sex on a handful of occasions before where Hilda had done more than her fair share. They just both liked getting a well-meaning rise out of one another. She turned her attention on queuing up music for their shower.

"Water's warm," Marianne said quietly as she stepped in. Hilda quickly set her phone aside and hopped in with her.

The shower was tight, though they had a little bit of space to not touch if they didn't want to. Marianne started by washing her hair, humming softly to the music. Hilda watched her for a moment. She didn't want to shower. She was just there to humor Marianne since apparently showering was a prerequisite to having sex with her today.

Marianne's blue, wavey hair fell effortlessly down her shoulders and back. Her arms were thin with only a little bit of muscle, unlike Hilda's much more toned arms. Her stomach was soft and round, which was one of Hilda's favorite things. Everything about Marianne was soft and round. Her cheeks, her ears, her eyes, her butt, her breasts. Hilda's heart leaped into her throat when Marianne opened her eyes to look at her.

"What?" Marianne asked. Hilda could tell by the quietness of it she had finally succumbed to her self-consciousness. 

"Nothing," Hilda said quickly, looking away. "You're just cute as usual." She let out a short laugh trying to play it off.

As much as Hilda hated to admit it, Marianne wasn't exactly who she wanted to catch feelings for. She loved Marianne to death which was why she knew Marianne deserved much better than her. Hilda could never be as thoughtful and caring as Marianne was. Things would just be... bad for them.

Marianne nodded her head in the general direction of Hilda's phone. "This song reminds me of you."

Hilda tilted her head as she focused on listening. "Roxanne? That reminds you of me?"

"Yeah," Marianne said with a nod. "All she wants to do is party all night. That about sums you up." 

Hilda snorted. "You really know how to flatter a girl, don't you?

Marianne smiled and Hilda was, again, unable to stay mad at her. She wrapped an arm around Marianne's neck and dragged her down for a kiss. Marianne braced herself against the shower wall and Hilda's heart fluttered. Being pinned under Marianne never ceased to do that. Her hand involuntarily gripped Marianne's hip tightly as she steadied herself. Their kiss only lasted a few seconds but it felt like an eternity for Hilda. When Marianne pulled away, Hilda let out a long breath of air. 

Hilda let Marianne wash her back, enjoying the slight pressure Marianne added as she scrubbed down her spine. If Hilda could, she would've done the back archy thing cats do when they're pet. All the massaging and the warmth of the water was starting to make her sleepy. It was then she understood Marianne's plan.

"Ah, you never intended to have sex with me," Hilda said quietly. Her eyes fluttered closed and she made a soft noise as Marianne hit a tender spot with her thumb.

"That's not entirely true." Marianne's voice was soft and gentle. It calmed Hilda to her core. "If we made it there, I already gave you my yes. I never did say I wouldn't try and tire you out first."

Hilda chuckled. "Fair enough. It worked. I'm exhausted."

"Good." Marianne wrapped her arms around Hilda and rested her head on top of Hilda's. She let out a long sigh. "Are you okay? Serious answer only."

Hilda closed her eyes and let herself be consumed by Marianne. It felt safe and secure. Marianne's arms wrapped around her perfectly and the crook of her chin was practically made for Hilda's head. She didn't want to give Marianne the serious answer. It would ruin everything and make things complicated. But she couldn't lie to Marianne. 

"I'm... doing my best," Hilda murmured. "You don't need to worry about me though. I won't do anything too stupid. Just a little stupid."

"I respect your wishes if you don't want me to get involved. I won't even pry that deep. However, you can't stop me from worrying about you. We've been friends since high school. It's a little hard for me to not worry about my best friend."

"Yeah, yeah." She shoved Marianne off of her. "We're clean and I'm tired. Can we go now?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course."

They got out of the shower and Marianne stretched. Her skin was a bit red from the hot water and Hilda couldn't help but smile at her. Her chest felt heavy as she watched Marianne start drying herself off. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch her, but somehow Marianne felt so far away now. She took the towel Marianne handed her and wrapped it around herself.

"So you were going to get high?" Hilda asked deviously.

Marianne narrowed her eyes. "I think I should say no to you, but I have no reason to. I guess it's your lucky day."

Hilda gave Marianne a wide smile, scrunching up her eyes. "Thank you, Mari!" She jumped onto her toes to peck Marianne on the cheek.

"I'll go get everything. I'll meet you in the bedroom when you're ready." Marianne patted her gently on the cheek before exiting the bathroom.

Hilda blew a raspberry once Marianne was gone. Getting high wasn't going to solve any of her problems but at least she wouldn't be sober. It was finally sinking in. This would be gone once Marianne left. She wasn't sure was this was. It wasn't anything and it wasn't nothing. Either way she didn't want it to be gone. She focused on not letting the tears leave her eyes.


	2. One Last Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One Last Time - Ariana Grande

The morning started with Hilda waking up to an empty space beside her in bed. She rolled over, sprawling herself out across it. She felt incredibly groggy like she hadn't slept at all, even though the clock on Marianne's dresser read noon. She grabbed one of the pillows and pulled it closer to herself. It smelled like Marianne and Hilda wished it was the real thing. She took in a deep breath and gripped it even tighter.

After a brief moment of wallowing, Hilda reached for her phone on the nightstand only to find a note sitting delicately on top of it. In Marianne's loopy writing was, 'Went into work for a bit. I'll be home around 1:30. Said I wasn't feeling well so I could take half a day. Don't tell I was lying.' Hilda smiled from ear to ear. She buried her face into the pillow and let out a long groan. Marianne was too good for her. Taking half a day off of work just to come back to Hilda sooner. Her heart was full.

After another, longer moment of wallowing, Hilda checked her phone. There were notifications for just about everything but she focused on the few messages from Garreg Mach. A girl named Edelgard and a boy named Ignatz had messaged her recently. She bit her lip as she thought about it. She'd have to pick her poison. Both of them seemed nice, in theory, so it was hard to spot the greater of two evils. She messaged Edelgard.

> **Hilda:** Hey!
> 
> **Edelgard:** Oh, hello! I wasn't expecting a text back to be quite honest. Good afternoon.

Hilda checked the timestamp from Edelgard's initial text and realized she'd sent it two days ago. Hilda smacked her forehead. Idiot.

> **Hilda:** Sorry, yeah! I've just been very busy. Do you want to make plans to hang out?
> 
> **Edelgard:** If you would like to! I'm free pretty much every evening and weekend.
> 
> **Hilda:** Tomorrow night sound good? 7pm?
> 
> **Edelgard:** Excellent! Should we hash out the details now or later?
> 
> **Hilda:** I'm a little busy now so I'll have to reach back out. I'll message you by the end of the day.
> 
> **Edelgard:** Sounds good to me.

Hilda flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She didn't want to think about anything at all. She felt numb and, at the same time, restless. Her own body felt like an enigma. She wanted to smoke but Marianne always hid her weed very well. It moved whenever Hilda found it and was never hid in the same place twice. It could be anywhere and Hilda didn't think her luck would be very high with everything packed into boxes. She sighed. She wasn't even sure if Marianne had any food to eat.

> **Hilda:** Do you have any food I can eat?
> 
> **Marianne:** Did you just wake up?
> 
> **Hilda:** Irrelevant. And even if it was I've been awake for an hour. Hilda hungy 
> 
> **Marianne:** There's only like snacky food right now. I'll bring you McDonald's on my way home. If you can't wait you can snack on whatever you want.
> 
> **Hilda:** You're the love of my life!
> 
> **Marianne:** Yeah, yeah. 

Hilda relaxed again and started to lazily scroll through her socials. She was behind and didn't care much about any particular thing that was going on. She checked all of Marianne's profiles to see if she'd missed any updates from her but other than that things were uninteresting. Mostly boring people she went to school with who were leading boring lives, not that she was any better. Speaking of the devil, her phone started to ring just as she was getting into it. It was Claude and she had half a mind to ignore it. With a sigh, she answered, "What?"

"Oh, well someone woke up on the wrong side of someone's bed." Claude's cocky, annoying voice came from the other side.

Hilda barely had the patience for him today; but, she pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a deep breath. "I'm at Marianne's," Hilda said in her best, disinterested tone. "I just always wake up poorly after I get high. You know that."

"Sometimes you wake up in a good mood?" Claude shot back.

Hilda grit her teeth. "I guess someone wants their neck wrung," she said pleasantly. 

"By you? Of course." Hilda could hear the smile in his voice. He quickly switched gears and asked what he had originally called Hilda for. "Anyway, how was your date? Obviously not great if you ended up getting high with Marianne after, but I want to hear it straight from the horse's mouth."

"You can call me a horse to imply I hooked up with Marianne all you want, but I'm not falling for it and giving you any details on the nitty-gritty." She heard Claude click his tongue in disappointment. "And about the date, it wasn't the worst date I've ever been on, honestly. He was just boring. Otherwise, it was fine, I guess."

"Who was it?"

"Lorenz Gloucester."

Claude snorted with laughter. "Oh my God, are you serious?"

Hilda sat up, pulling the pillow into her lap. She frowned. "What...?"

"We hooked up last week." Claude was so caught up in a laughing fit, he had barely been able to say it. When he finally calmed down, he added, "There isn't a straight bone in that man's body."

"I'm going to kill him," Hilda said bluntly. "He nearly made me die of boredom, and we wouldn't have even had sex if I stayed? Bastard. At least be upfront about it. I could've suffered and not expected anything."

Claude was still giggling a bit. "God, that's hilarious. Anyway, is Marianne near you right now?"

"She's at work but she should be home soon. She's bringing me McDickie's."

"First of all, how many times do I have to beg you to stop calling it that? And b, your wife is so kind."

Hilda groaned. "Ugh, don't even joke about that. I don't want to get into it right now, but I'll tell you about it later."

"Well, if you two want I'm going to the range today. You can come."

"I'm down but Marianne might not want to go. She's moving or whatever."

"Well, lemme know. We can just meet up there because I'm going regardless."

"Fair enough. Well, I'll text you what's up. Bye now, Crud."

"Bye, Hilturd."

Hilda fell onto her back once again, heaving a huge sigh. Having so many interactions right after she had woken up had exhausted her and she hadn't even left bed yet. Why did having a social life require so much effort? She just wanted to sleep but her stomach was too twisted in knots from hunger. She couldn't even doze off again. Life was truly a bitch.

"So then Claude tells me that Lorenz is one-hundred percent gay," Hilda was saying as she sat in the passenger's side of Marianne's car. She had her knees pressed against the dash and was sipping her large McDonald's Coke as she talked about how her morning had gone.

She'd been able to convince Marianne to go to the range with her and Claude. Marianne had protested only a little bit—she had said that she needed to pack like Hilda had assumed she would—but ultimately deciding to go with the two of them. Hilda had told the story backward, starting with Claude and ending with the new date she had arranged. Marianne had been listening silently up until that point, only nodding her head or adding a 'yeah' or 'mhmm' so Hilda knew she was listening. She glanced over at Hilda when she mentioned Edelgard and her date.

"Um, Hilda... You're going on a date tomorrow night?" She sounded sheepish like she didn't want to ask the question.

Hilda paused full-stop in her story and tilted her head to the side. "Yeah?"

Marianne kept her gaze focused firmly on the road ahead of her and Hilda saw her swallow nervously. "Um, that was just... I'm... leaving tomorrow night, Hilda."

Marianne might as well have pushed Hilda out of the car while they were driving fifty down the road. Hilda's stomach hit the floor. Well, perhaps skydived without a parachute and smashed into concrete. Her breath was nearly taken out of her. She'd completely forgotten that Marianne's last day was tomorrow. "Oh, Marianne, I can cancel," she said quickly.

"You should go," Marianne said with a wave of her hand. Her voice was even and cool; she didn't even sound upset. "I wasn't planning on doing anything special. Um, just thought you'd like to know."

The rest of the car ride went by with dead silence between the two. Hilda's heart ached horribly, and she was grinding her teeth to try and not think about it. How could she have forgotten when Marianne was supposed to leave? Well, that was easy. She had been avoiding coming to terms with it so now that the date had finally arrived it didn't feel real. She wanted to scream and cry and throw a tantrum, but instead, she turned up the song on the radio. It was a long drive.

The range was a colloquial term for an archery range that Claude practically lived at. It was a frequent haunt for the three friends and one that all of them could enjoy. People could rent bows, axes, knives, and anything you could throw or launch at a target. Hilda had always been more of a fan of the axes than she was of the bow. Marianne tended towards the bow when she went, for the fact that she wasn't very good at throwing things long distances. Alcohol was involved sometimes, though what was served was lightweight. The three rented out their equipment and headed down to the targets.

Hilda leaned on the post behind Marianne's section as she watched her line up her shot. She took a drink from the beer she was holding and rested her head on the pole. Marianne could barely draw the bow and it reminded Hilda that it had been a while since the three had visited the range. Who even knew if they'd ever come back. Finally, the arrow shot through the air and landed low on the hay bale. Marianne cursed quietly and started gearing up for her next shot.

Claude wrapped his arm around Hilda's waist and pulled her tight to him. "Can you explain again why you hate yourself?"

Hilda didn't take her eyes off of Marianne. When Marianne let out a breath, she did as well without evening meaning to. She took another, longer drink from her bottle. "I don't," she mumbled as the bottle left her mouth. She wiped her lips on the back of her hand. "It's none of your business."

"Hilda, I've only seen you crush this hard on two other people before. Those other two people were completely unobtainable. Marianne? She's real. She's right there. I don't understand."

"It's not for you to understand, Claude. Whatever is or isn't happening is between me and Marianne."

"So you're going to let her go? You're not going to say a word to her about how you feel and you're going to let her leave your life like this? She leaves tomorrow. Do you even care?"

"I don't know. I'm going to miss her a lot, yeah. But she... It doesn't seem like it matters to her." Hilda watched as Marianne's arrow hit near the center of the target. "Nice job, Mari!" she called cheerfully to which Claude added his praises as well. She could see Marianne get flustered and quickly turn back to setting up her next shot.

"I'm sure she doesn't feel amazing about moving and leaving behind everyone."

Hilda shrugged as if it didn't bother her. "It's not like we would work out. I'm saving us both the heartbreak, you know. Like when she realizes she's better off without me and leaves me... Maybe moving will be good for her. She won't have to worry about what I'm up to anymore."

Claude clapped Hilda on the shoulder. "I hope you don't come to regret anything you just said to me." He jogged off to stand behind Marianne and started to guide her along to shoot better.

Hilda stood on the side, her feet frozen to the ground. Everything felt horrible. The glass around her perfect world had shattered and she would just cut herself if she tried to pick up the pieces. Suddenly, she didn't feel like being at the range anymore. Her beer was empty and she went to get a new one.

Hilda dragged Marianne to the middle of her living room and shoved her onto the couch. She sat squarely on Marianne's lap before pulling her hair over one shoulder and diving in for a kiss. She couldn't make it to the bedroom. She needed Marianne on her now.

They had started in the car. As soon as they left the range, Hilda asked if Marianne wanted to hook up that evening. One last time for old time's sake. Just to say goodbye. That's all she wanted. She had taken her panties off in the bathroom and when they sat in the car she had guided Marianne's hand down the front of her pants. Marianne had teased her most of the way home, both over and under her pants. It wasn't exactly what Hilda had wanted but also wasn't something she was going to complain about. Once they had reached Marianne's place, they had quickly made their way to Marianne's apartment and shut themselves in. 

Both of their clothes ended up on the floor. Marianne was warm against Hilda's skin, her face flush with lust and wanting just like Hilda's. Their hands grabbed at each other and Hilda couldn't help but be a little rough with Marianne. She was feeling too much all at once and she wanted Marianne to take care of her. One more time. She could indulge in Marianne's touch one more time.

Much to her surprise, Hilda was tipped back as Marianne laid her down on the couch. Her kissing and sucking on Hilda's body intensified as did her soft murmurs of Hilda's name. Hilda moaned along with her, running her hands through Marianne's silky hair. She wanted to see that blue mop between her legs and bit her lip just thinking about it. Her heart thumped against her ribs, threatening to break them. She would never see that image again so she hoped she would get to see it now. Marianne looked up at her through half-lidded eyes, her lips wrapped around Hilda's nipple. Hilda's heart wasn't the only thing throbbing. Marianne was gorgeous.

Marianne moved in between Hilda's legs, the soft swish of their skin brushing the only sound that could be heard in the quiet apartment. She spread Hilda's legs wide and got to work without hesitation. Hilda shook underneath her. She was already so close to coming it was unreal. Every touch felt amazing and bittersweet. Hilda's toes curled and her grip on Marianne's hair tightened as Marianne plunged two fingers inside of her and began rubbing her g-spot. Hilda nearly choked on a moan. She was going to cum soon if this kept up. Then Marianne started to focus more pressure on her clit. It was over almost instantly, Hilda's body giving into the crushing pressure of her orgasm. She had no choice. Her head was only full of mush.

"Fuck, Marianne," Hilda gasped through gritted teeth. "Fuck."

Marianne didn't let up. She pushed onward not letting Hilda rest. The next orgasm came just as quickly as the first and hit Hilda even harder. She could feel it through her entire stomach. Her legs shook around Marianne's head and yet Marianne still didn't let up.

Hilda was writhing with overstimulation and pleasure. It was bordering painful but she didn't want Marianne to stop. She couldn't let Marianne stop. Even if her body gave out on her, this was the last time she would get to see Marianne like this. Her legs tightened around Marianne's head. 

"Marianne," Hilda cried. "Please don't stop."

She bit her lip hard as Marianne kept up her pace. Could she just say it? In the midst of this, could she say three little words? Would they matter if she said them? It wouldn't make Marianne stay. Claude was right that Marianne was real, but he was wrong that she was obtainable. She was on a different planet. This was nothing to her. Hilda was expendable. There were plenty of Hildas for Marianne. But there was only one Marianne for Hilda. And still, she couldn't say it.

A third orgasm overtook her. She cried out and buried Marianne's face into her. Marianne's tongue felt amazing caressing her folds. Marianne finally eased up on her and Hilda fell against the couch panting. She could hardly catch her breath and she had tears in her eyes. She knew they were only half from the overstimulation.

Marianne kept rubbing her g-spot, though slower and with less purpose. Her kisses dropped to Hilda's thighs as she waited for Hilda to recover. Marianne knew her almost too well. She would give her just enough time to recover before diving in with something even rougher than before. Hilda was going to go mad by the end of the evening.

"Should we move to the bedroom?" Hilda asked quietly. She still could barely breathe.

"We probably should," Marianne said as she pulled her fingers out of Hilda. Hilda squirmed a bit, already missing the sensation. "I don't need you getting my couch all wet."

Hilda rolled her eyes and gave Marianne a quick pet. "Fair enough."

They went to the bedroom. As the door closed, Hilda felt the finality in it. One last time. She just had to make it count.

Hilda woke up first the next morning. Marianne was sleeping peacefully beside her, her eyes twitching softly as she had a dream. Hilda wondered if it was about her, though she was almost positive it wasn't. She reveled in the moment for only a moment, wondering what it would be like if she could just stay with Marianne forever. If she could wake up to that beautiful face every day. Maybe it would be nice but it couldn't last.

As slowly as she could, she got out of bed. She snuck out of the bedroom, closing the door quietly. She went to the living room and found all of her strewn about clothes. She got dressed. She took her key to Marianne's apartment off her keyring and left it on the kitchen counter with a note that read, 'Here's your key :)' She opened the front door and let it close softly behind herself. 


	3. Picture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picture - Kid Rock ft Sheryl Crow

Hilda ended up at an IHOP. Her mouth was watering as she ordered pancakes with a tall glass of orange juice. Nothing was better than a cheap breakfast after a long, long night. The waitress did not comment on her half put-together outfit or the fact that her hair and makeup were clearly from the day before. Of course, it was an IHOP so Hilda didn't think she was going to get very many odd looks. Still, she wasn't one to go out looking so trashy. The only problem was that she was starving. Food, in this case, won over her will to look amazing everywhere she went. That was perfectly fine with her. She devoured the pancakes as soon as they were set in front of her.

Hilda stretched as she left the restaurant. She'd touched up her hair and makeup in the bathroom and, despite getting little sleep, she felt somewhat refreshed. At least, her body felt refreshed. The sun had fully risen and she knew Marianne would be awake by now to notice her gone. Marianne had probably gotten up frantically only to find Hilda's key in the kitchen. Hilda hadn't received a text or call from her, though. She was on the fence whether or not she would get one. One thing she knew for certain was that she wouldn't call or text first. She was horrible at saying goodbye.

For the rest of the morning, she puttered around the city. Retail therapy never ceased to make her feel better. It felt strange to be shopping alone, though. Normally, she brought Marianne along. Not necessarily because she valued Marianne's fashion opinion, but Marianne was very good at letting her know when she needed to stop. As Hilda stood looking at one of the racks of clothing, she could almost hear Marianne's gentle but nagging tone, "Hilda, you already have a shirt that looks exactly like that one. Not similar, exactly. It might even be the same shirt." Hilda bit her lip and put the shirt back. Even when Marianne wasn't with her, apparently she still dictated what Hilda did.

She ended up with an entirely new outfit to wear that evening for her date. It was casual and sexy, her favorite combination. Something that would charm Edelgard and let her know that sex was assuredly on the table. After finishing up her haul with shoes, she noticed she was running low on cash which meant she would dip into using plastic soon. That was something she avoided as much as possible as then her parents would know where she was and what she was purchasing. Plus, for her date that night, Edelgard had agreed to go out to a bar with her. She wanted cash for that. With a begrudging sigh, she ended her spree a little early and headed for her apartment.

Hilda's apartment was small. Much smaller than Marianne's was. It had the most basic of basic amenities. The only room with a solid door to it was the bathroom. Her "bedroom" was only a nook off of the main living space that Hilda had set up a partition to corner off. She chose to be frugal on rent so that her allowance could stretch further for other things. Besides, it was mostly a place to keep her things. It wasn't like she spent any time there. She really didn't know how long it had been since she had last visited. Maybe a week or so.

She walked through the mountains of clothing strewn about the place and opened up the curtain. Her apartment was truly a mess of clothing and junk. At least it didn't smell weird or anything. She supposed she'd have to clean it if she was going to start bringing anyone home. She might have to host every now and again. That would just have to wait, though. She followed the path that was carved to the bathroom and went inside. The bathroom suffered just as much as the main living space in terms of cleanliness but Hilda ignored it as best she could. She searched her overflowing cabinets for her expensive makeup. She was going to put in her best effort for Edelgard. She needed a rebound badly.

She showered, did some hedge trimming, did her makeup, got dressed, did her hair, and then clipped her nails nice and short. Marianne had complained that she was a little on the long side the night before so she wanted to be prepped for her date in case she had to do a little work. She hoped it wouldn't come to that; she wasn't in the mood for topping.

After a quick overview of herself in the mirror, she slapped her cheeks. "Who's the beautiful, sexy Hilda Goneril? You are. You're gonna knock 'em dead, girl. Hell yeah!" 

She checked her phone for what felt like the first time that day. She had a missed call from Claude and a text from Marianne. From the preview, she could see it said, 'Can we talk?' Seeing Marianne's name on her phone made her heart feel heavy, but she shoved it down. She didn't know if she could talk to Marianne yet. Instead, she would go on this date with Edelgard and try to forget that anything out of the ordinary was happening at all.

Hilda arrived at the bar first. It was still a little early in the evening so the bar was only reasonably full. She grabbed a table near the back and slumped down in the seat. Edelgard had said she was going to be a little bit late; she had gotten held up at work. Hilda didn't mind that much, though she was used to being the late one. It felt strange being on the other side and she didn't like it very much.

It was easy to spot Edelgard when she walked into the bar. Hilda nearly bit her thumb off when she saw her, Edelgard's profile pictures having not done her any justice. Her long, white hair was pulled into a french braid bun that was very reminiscent of Marianne's going-out hairstyle—Hilda knew it couldn't possibly be on purpose but the sight of it made her heart beat faster. She was wearing a tightly fitted skirt that barely reached her mid-thigh and a crop top sweater that gave Hilda the tiniest look at her stomach. She was drop-dead gorgeous, comparable to Hilda herself. If it was appropriate, Hilda would've taken her into the bar bathroom and let her fuck her knuckles deep before they'd even said a word to each other. She shifted in her seat and swallowed the lump in her throat. She felt like one of those cartoon wolves whose eyes turned into hearts and popped out of their skulls. 

Edelgard approached her table, her movements languid as she weaved to the back. When she pulled up to a stop at the table, Hilda noticed how short she was. She was wearing heels, of course—Hilda knew well enough about that when it came to fudging one's height—but even so, she could see how small Edelgard was in comparison to the height of the heels. She rested a delicate hand on the top of the table. "Is this seat taken, milady?"

Hilda sat dumbfounded. She hadn't expected Edelgard's voice to be so low and... sexy. If Edelgard so much as said her name, Hilda would be wet. And hearing it call for her in bed? Heaven.

"Um, Hilda?" Edelgard said after another long beat of Hilda sitting in stunned silence.

And there it was. Hilda figured she must've been drooling with how wet her mouth felt. Finally, she noticed the nervous flick of Edelgard's eyes around the bar and quickly realized if she didn't say something Edelgard might think she had the wrong person.

"Sorry, sorry. Have a seat. You're just so gorgeous," Hilda finally said. "I mean, um, wow. Damn."

Edelgard didn't seem flattered in the slightest as she sat down in the seat. She crossed her arms and legs and regarded Hilda in the most disinterested of fashions. "Do you have anything else to say?"

Hilda took a moment to process that. Edelgard's tone was a little sharp for someone she just met. Hilda couldn't help but think that Marianne would've never been so sharp even if she was frustrated with Hilda. She shook that thought out of her head. Edelgard was probably mad because Hilda had only commented on how hot she was. If some guy had done that to her, she would be a little put off as well. _Stop thinking with your pussy for a second._ She cleared her throat. 

"I'm sorry. You just looked so nice I got overwhelmed," Hilda said with a new clear head. "We can start over. Hi, I'm Hilda. Should we get some drinks?"

Edelgard nodded and plucked the drink menu from its stand on the table. "I'm hungry too. I think I'll eat first before drinking too heavily. Any ideas on what to get?"

"I come here a lot with friends so I have lots of recommendations," Hilda said relaxing a little bit. She rested her hands on the table and allowed herself to gaze at Edelgard. "Don't know how you feel about bar food but the fried pickles are to die for. Nice and greasy too. Well, most stuff here is." 

The look from Edelgard made Hilda feel stupid for having so much information on a silly bar. This was probably the cheapest date Edelgard had ever been on. But Edelgard had let her pick and said a bar would be fine. This was one of Hilda's favorite bars in the area when she did decide to go out to one. Perhaps it was a little shabby but the drinks and food were amazing.

Maybe she was just reading too much into it. Hilda really hoped she hadn't ruined the date with the first words out of her mouth. She should've gone with Ignatz. Pretty girls were too much of a wildcard. Although, a bad date was all Hilda could bank on from Garreg Mach so maybe this was fate. She just hoped that she could get in well enough with Edelgard to have sex with her later. She needed to get Marianne off of her mind.

The date loosened up after the two had a couple of drinks and some food in them. Despite the rocky start, it seemed Hilda could charm even a beast like Edelgard. Edelgard was still being a bit prickly, but Hilda was pretty sure that was just how Edelgard was. She, overall, was feeling pretty good about herself. Maybe this would turn out to be her first successful Garreg Mach date. She downed a couple more drinks.

"We should probably head out," Edelgard said as the evening was beginning to come to a close. She sounded a little fuzzy but Hilda was pretty sure that was because the music was so loud.

"Mmm, yeah." Hilda felt incredibly warm and loose like her body wasn't entirely her own. Edelgard came to her side to help her to her feet. She leaned heavily against her. Wow, she was more tired than she was expecting.

Edelgard had a car waiting outside. Well, a limo actually. She helped Hilda into the backseat and then climbed over her to get in. As soon as Edelgard had closed the door and had seated herself, Hilda, without any hesitation, climbed into her lap and began to kiss down her neck. Edelgard let her for only a moment before gently pushing her back. Hilda had to grip Edelgard's hands to stay steady. She suddenly felt a little nauseous and the car wasn't even moving.

"Hilda," Edelgard warned gently.

"God, your voice is sexy," Hilda murmured. "I don't suppose you'd like to take me to bed."

Edelgard pursed her lips. "Normally, I wouldn't be opposed, but you're drunk."

Hilda blinked in surprise. "I'm not drunk."

Edelgard laughed at her. It was sharp and cold, chilling Hilda to the bone. It didn't feel like when Marianne laughed at her. Edelgard was truly mocking her. "I really do feel bad that someone broke your heart this bad, my dear." She patted Hilda's cheek. "You are indeed drunk."

Hilda unsteadily climbed off of Edelgard and sat beside her. She stared at the roof of the limo as she sunk low into the seat. "I-I really didn't know," she mumbled. Edelgard asked her to repeat herself and she noticed that everything seemed a little off now. She must've been slurring her words. 

"Let me take you home and get you to bed," Edelgard said gently. "What's your address?"

Hilda rattled off her address and waved her hand. "I'm sorry. I'm used to bad dates on Garreg Mach, but I'm not usually the one making it bad."

Edelgard laughed again but this one had more humor in it. She wrapped her arm around Hilda's shoulders and brought her close to her. "It was amusing at the very least. So who broke your heart?"

"Well, I guess I broke my own heart?" Hilda mumbled.

For no reason whatsoever except for the fact she was drunk, she started speaking at length about her relationship with Marianne, starting so far back as to tell Edelgard that they had met in high school and had been incredibly close since then. Edelgard listened quietly only asking for clarification or for Hilda to repeat herself every so often. Saying it all out loud felt cathartic but it didn't do much to ease Hilda's aching heart. That would take a bit more time. Maybe it would also take getting to sleep with Edelgard when she wasn't plastered.

"You know, even if you didn't want to date her, why did you ruin your friendship with her?" Edelgard said. "You two have been close for years."

Hilda leaned against Edelgard's shoulder. She was starting to develop a headache. "If there's anything that doesn't work out more than long-distance relationships, it's long-distance friendships."

"You think she'd forget about you since you won't be able to see her so you wanted to make the split happen on your terms."

Hilda could feel tears pricking at the back of her eyes. "Y-Yeah, pretty much. At least if I have to hurt... I'll know when. It's not like I have to stay sober for it either."

For how prickly she'd been all evening, Hilda was surprised at how tenderly Edelgard was treating her. Edelgard pulled Hilda across her lap and gently pet down her back. Hilda sighed and let her tears fall freely. She didn't sob or cry out; her tears leaked out and she finally let them. It felt like a weight off of her shoulders.

The driver of the car told them they had arrived at their destination. Edelgard helped Hilda out of the car and up the stairs to the apartment. Hilda pulled out her keys and searched her keyring. The key wasn't there. But that was weird. Hadn't she just been there earlier? She tested each one but none of them turned the lock. She turned to Edelgard. Perhaps she was too drunk to open the lock and needed assistance. "I don't... have the key?" Hilda said awkwardly. "Erm, well, I thought I did but I can't..." She gestured toward the door.

Edelgard leaned Hilda against the wall to make sure she wouldn't fall before grabbing the keys from Hilda's hand. She tried each key in the lock just as Hilda had and nothing turned. She turned to Hilda. "Does anybody have your spare?"

Hilda tried to think, but it was hard when she was slowly slipping down the wall. Who had she given her key to? She could only think of one person. Marianne had one. Hilda slipped to the ground and buried her face into her knees. Marianne had her spare key. Slowly, she fished her phone out of her pocket and opened it up. She held her phone out to Edelgard, the screen open and ready to call Marianne. "Can you call her?"

Edelgard raised her eyebrows and Hilda was only able to give her an awkward grin in return. She took the phone and dialed Marianne. She put it on speaker so if Hilda wanted to, she could chime in.

"Oh, so now you want to call me after I asked you to talk three times?" Marianne said bitterly. Edelgard shot Hilda with a what-did-you-do? glare. "I honestly thought you weren't going to talk to me ever again after you left this morning. A simple goodbye would've been enough, but you can't even do that!"

"I regret to inform you that she's not talking with you, I suppose," Edelgard cut in quickly before Marianne could really get her rant started. "Hello, Marianne. I'm Edelgard Hresvelg. I was on a date with Hilda this evening and she is very drunk. I went to take her home but we are currently locked out of her apartment. She says that she doesn't have the key. I tried all of her keys and none of them fit into the lock."

There was a long beat of silence. Hilda knew that Marianne was infuriated and that was causing some of the delay in her response. Finally, Marianne asked cooly, "Where are you right now?" 

"Oh, ah..." Edelgard said the address that Hilda had given her in the car and Hilda then realized the mistake she'd made.

"That's my old address," Marianne said. "I just moved out today. She left her key this morning. That would be why she can't find it."

"Oh," Edelgard said with a nod. "That makes sense. I hate to bother you, but could you give me Hilda's actual address?"

"Of course," Marianne responded. Hilda didn't like the meddling tone in her voice. "I'll text it to Hilda."

"Thank you, Marianne. Again, I apologize for all of this. I'm sure Hilda feels sorry."

"She will," Marianne said sweetly. The call ended abruptly after that.

Edelgard seemed a little put off. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot for a moment as if she were mulling something over. She shoved Hilda's phone into her pocket and then picked Hilda up off the ground. Hilda was still pretty shellshocked so Edelgard practically carried her back to the limo. Hilda could hardly feel her legs anymore. 

She placed her hand on the side of the limo just as Edelgard was about to open the door. Nausea had overtaken her and like the world was spinning. "I think I'm going to puke," Hilda said. The warning had come a little late as no sooner had the words left her mouth she did. Edelgard held her hair back and offered her a handkerchief when she was done. Hilda thanked her through forced out tears. Once Edelgard was satisfied Hilda wouldn't be throwing up again, she promptly forced her into the backseat of the limo.

Hilda cleaned herself up a bit once they were back in the car. Throwing up wasn't exactly the peak of beauty. She touched her makeup up and rinsed her mouth out before chewing some breath mints. She snuggled up to Edelgard when she was done and fell asleep almost instantly. Throwing up had taken what little energy she had to deal with things out of her. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally. She was only woken again by Edelgard nudging her shoulder.

Hilda had sobered up a bit by this point. It took her a second to recognize the house that they had pulled up to. It was definitely not her apartment. Her stomach dropped and she felt like she could throw up again. 

"Fuck," Hilda said quietly. "I can't go in there."

Edelgard, not very happy about having to drive Hilda around all evening, shot her a look. "What do you mean you can't go in there?"

"This is my parents' house. God, I'll kill Marianne. I deserved this, of course, but God. My parents? That's so low."

"Why can't you go into your parents' house?"

Hilda's face twisted into a deep frown. "Aren't you rich too? Don't you hate your parents? They're half the reason I'm in this mess. I was perfectly happy screwing around with Marianne and going out every night. But nooooo, I need to settle down with a pleasant, rich man. That's the whole reason I'm even on Garreg Mach. Stop ruining their image or whatever. Since everybody knows the Goneril daughter is a disgrace. God."

Edelgard's eyebrow raised and she crossed her arms. "I'm not taking you anywhere else tonight. You either stay here or sleep outside."

Hilda grabbed the front of Edelgard's shirt and shook her gently. "Can't I just go back to your place? Please, have mercy on me."

"No, no, no," Edelgard said quickly as she tried to pry Hilda's hands off of her. "I'll get in so much trouble."

"Oh my God, Edelgard. What do you mean?"

"Hubert will be very mad at me if he finds out I was out with you tonight."

"Who's Hubert?"

"Erm... well... he's my manager." Edelgard looked awkwardly at anywhere that wasn't Hilda's intense gaze. "I'm not supposed to go out on dates right now."

"Why are you on Garreg Mach then?" Hilda hissed. She fell back against the seat with a loud sigh. This was shaping up to be the worst date she had ever been on. That's what she got for wanting someone less boring. "Fuck me."

"On the bright side, the shock seems to have sobered you up quite nicely."

Hilda shot her a glare. Where did Edelgard get off doing this to her? "So you're not going to help me?"

"I have to get home eventually and you can't come with me." Edelgard said it so simply like that was common knowledge.

Hilda could only think of one other thing to try. She climbed into Edelgard's lap and kissed her. Edelgard let her, her hands shifting to Hilda's waist as Hilda took the opportunity to deepen their kiss. When she pulled away, she kissed her way to Edelgard's ear and whispered. "I'll let you do anything you want to me. Please."

"I don't think you're desperate enough to be making that promise," was what Edelgard said. But Hilda noticed the very slight hitch in Edelgard's breath. She could only imagine what lewd thoughts were running through Edelgard's head.

Hilda kissed her again, placing her hand around Edelgard's neck just under her jaw. She started to grind her body against Edelgard's, her desperation guiding her actions more than any rational thought was. Edelgard's hands snaked their way up Hilda's sides and came to rest on her chest. Hilda had her.

She pulled away again and leaned her forehead against Edelgard's. "Come on, Edelgard. Please. For a pretty girl who practically is falling at your feet?" She batted her eyes and softly kissed Edelgard's jaw.

But Hilda was wrong. Edelgard pushed against her, forcing her to sit back for the second time that evening. She didn't look mad or irritated. All she held was a look of pity that crumpled Hilda's self-confidence like a piece of paper. Her breath was taken away. She knew what it meant too. You'd much rather give your body away than face any problem you might have like an adult. Edelgard felt truly sorry for her, but in the way one feels sorry for the rabbit in the jaws of a fox. You weren't good enough to get away or maybe you just didn't want to.

"I'll walk you to the door," Edelgard said gently. Hilda could only nod stiffly.

Hilda felt like she was doing a walk of shame. Except, the girl she was supposed to have had sex with was currently walking her up to her parents' door. So maybe it was like a reverse walk of shame? Had Hilda done two in one day? Either way, she begrudgingly made her way up to the front door. Edelgard left her on the step and wished her a good night. Despite Edelgard completely screwing her over, she didn't feel any ill will. All she could feel was the tiredness through her entire body. She knew all of this was karma for how she left Marianne that morning.

She entered the house as quietly as she could. Of course, sneaking into the house was near impossible. As soon as the door clicked shut, her parents' boisterous bloodhounds quickly raced down the foyer stairs and knocked her to the ground. They were barking and baying as loud as if they'd just found the scent of game. Hilda tried to shush them but to no avail, her body being repeatedly pushed back to the ground by three sets of heavy paws and three long tongues. It only took a few moments before her father stood in his robe and boxers at the top of the stairs with her older brother, Holst, right behind him. Her father called the dogs off and they obeyed without a second thought.

Hilda picked herself up off the ground and smiled awkwardly. She was covered in dog spit now and her clothes were a bit crumpled. "Um, hello."

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" her father asked. His voice was a low growl and it took everything in Hilda not to flinch.

"Y-Yeah... It's like... Midnight." Hilda really had no idea what time it was but that seemed like a fair enough guess to her.

"It's almost two in the morning. Go to your room." Her father turned off the stairs and marched back toward his bedroom. The dogs followed him, jumping excitedly around as they walked.

Holst came down the stairs and looked Hilda up and down. "Drunk?"

Hilda rubbed the back of her head and shrugged. If anyone in the house was actually on her side, it was Holst. Though, she wasn't sure why he was there at all. He'd recently moved out with his wife. Still, she was happy to see him. As if he'd read her mind, he opened up his arms and she quickly fell into them. He squeezed her tight and gently rubbed her upper back. Hilda started crying almost immediately.

"What's wrong?"

"A-A bad day," Hilda said through her sobs. 

Holst held her tighter. "I'm sorry... Not much to be done about it tonight though. Let's get you to bed."

Hilda hadn't been in her childhood bedroom in she didn't even know how long. She missed its pink walls and canopy bed with fairy lights. She stared at all the posters on the walls, a snapshot of her life when she was eighteen. She had some interesting taste back then. So many pictures of her with Marianne decorated the wall above her desk. She leaned over to take them all in. God, they were so young. She could see Marianne's dark undereye circles in nearly every picture, but Hilda didn't care. She had never cared.

She plucked one of the photos off of the wall and stared down at it. It was a simple picture of her and Marianne sitting in an ice cream shop. She remembered when it was taken as if it were yesterday. She had taken Marianne out for ice cream after school. There had been a big test that Marianne had been stressing out about all week. After the test, Marianne had come out shaking and near tears. Hilda took her into the bathroom before she could break into sobs in the hallway. Once she had gotten Marianne to calm down, she offered to take her on a date. Marianne's eyes had widened to saucers. Now that Hilda remembered it, that was the first time she'd ever kissed Marianne. Her chest hurt and she turned away from the desk quickly.

She went into her closet and found only meager offerings of clothing. Most of her clothes were scattered on the floor of her apartment. She found a couple of things that would suffice as pajamas and slipped them on. She flopped on her bed and checked her phone. Marianne had texted her, 'Hope you have a good night.' Hilda didn't have the energy. She wasn't even mad. How could she be? 

She stared at the ceiling for a long time thinking about Marianne. She couldn't seem to get her out of her mind. How could she? They had literally had sex the night before and Hilda still felt a little sore from it. That wasn't quite it though. She had given Edelgard Marianne's address on pure instinct. Her drunken brain thought she lived there. And that's where she always went after her Garreg Mach dates. She would go there, get high with Marianne, maybe they would have sex, and she would curl up in Marianne's arms. It was routine. It was safe.

Hilda had never really thought about Marianne's thoughts on the situation. Marianne never really commented on how their relationship functioned and seemed to go either way on sleeping with Hilda. Some days she'd say yes immediately. Some days she'd say no. Sometimes it was a maybe with contingency. Sometimes there were rules. Sometimes it was a free for all. If someone asked her, Hilda couldn't say for certain if Marianne liked her at all. Having sex with her didn't exactly mean she liked her. Hilda had sex with people she didn't like more frequently than she cared to admit to. It very well could have been that Marianne just wanted to have sex every once in a while as many other people did. Whether or not it was with Hilda wasn't necessarily the issue. Hilda was just an easy option since she was already offering.

Hilda buried her face in a pillow. She didn't like the idea that Marianne just used her for sex. Though, maybe that's how Marianne saw her role to Hilda... It wasn't like Hilda was offering anything to Marianne other than grief. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She felt like absolute shit. 

Marianne was gone now. Was there anything Hilda could do to fix any of this?

Eventually, exhaustion overtook Hilda's troubled mind. She rolled over and was out.

Hilda woke up early despite everything. She didn't feel refreshed and wanted to just roll over and try and fall back asleep. Of course, she didn't have that option as she needed to leave as soon as possible. The idea of having to have a whole conversation with her parents made her antsy. The longer she stayed the higher chance of that happening. She rolled out of bed with a loud sigh.

The house was quiet as she slipped out of her room and down the hall. She had just made it to the staircase when she felt a strong arm wrap around her waist. She clapped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from yelping in surprise. She didn't even know there was anybody else around. 

"Where's the fire, Hildy?" Holst asked kindly. Despite sounding so sweet, he was practically holding Hilda off the ground. He clearly didn't want her going anywhere.

"I'm trying to leave before Mom and Dad wake up," she grumbled as she pushed uselessly against his hands.

"Can't you talk to me first?" 

"What do we have to talk about?" 

Holst chuckled and threw Hilda up over his shoulder. "So much, my darling sister. So much."

Hilda hit her fists against his back. "This is so not fair. Just because I'm small doesn't mean you get to manhandle me!"

"What are you going to do about it?" he asked. Even though she couldn't see his face, she knew he had raised his eyebrow and smirked. "Tell Mom and Dad? I seem to remember you saying you were trying to leave before they woke up."

Hilda let out a sigh. She had no choice but to be carried off to Holst's room to see what he wanted. She relaxed against him and let it happen.

Holst's room was pretty barren. He must've moved all of his actual things to his new house. All that was left was a bed and a dresser. On the far side, there was a desk that was covered in papers that Hilda could guess were their father's. His wife was still sitting in bed, a book open in her hand. Hilda gave her a little wave as Holst gingerly set her on the floor.

"Alright, one secret each," Holst said. He leaned against the door so Hilda couldn't make a break for it.

Hilda sat on the bed with her arms crossed. One secret each was something they had done as kids. The rules were simple enough. They each had to share one secret. The only other rule was that the secret had to be something that their parents didn't know. Usually, it was played to get some sort of information out of the other one, but it wasn't like it necessarily always worked. The secret could be anything. Then again it was always an even trade. Whatever secret you got in return could be worth gold. Hilda wasn't exactly sure what sort of secret Holst was fishing for from her, but she took the bait.

"Fine," she said as she uncrossed her arms and rested her hands behind her to lean back on. "One secret each. You go first, though."

Holst smiled. He looked almost shy as he glanced past Hilda towards his wife and then refocused on her. "Well, Hilda, we're having a baby. You're going to be an aunt."

"Nuh-uh!" Hilda exclaimed. She looked at Holst's wife and pulled a face. "I know you married him, but honestly?" That got a giggle out of her and a disgruntled, "Hey!" out of him. Hilda turned to face Holst again. "Okay, but seriously, congrats. I'm really happy for you both. Also, is that even a secret? You haven't told Mom and Dad yet?"

Holst shook his head. "I wanted you to be the first to know. Though, it is currently why I'm in town." He smiled a bit. "Okay, your turn."

Hilda sighed. She felt she needed to give a secret of equal news now. A baby was huge. She thought for another moment. "Hmm... I'm pregnant too."

"Hilda, you better not be," Holst said in a shockingly no-nonsense tone. It was hard enough to make Hilda sit up straight.

"Joking, joking," Hilda said quickly. "At least, not that I know of. I haven't slept with anybody who could get me pregnant in a while and I've been consistent. If I'm not good, then we have other issues." She tried to laugh but Holst's intense gaze cut her short. "Erm... Okay, just... I'll tell you anything you want. You need to prompt me into what direction you're digging."

"Well, I wasn't going to force you into sharing," Holst said with an exasperated sigh. "I'm a little concerned about you, is all. Mom and Dad told me that you never talk to them and that you're rarely at your apartment. Now, granted, none of us need to know where you are all the time. I'm just worried that something will happen to you and we won't know about it. So if you could elaborate on what's going on, that would be helpful."

Hilda bit her thumb. She hadn't really thought about anything happening to her and her family not knowing. She wasn't doing anything too dangerous, was she? She supposed going on so many dates could be an issue. One of them could, in theory, end up murdering her either intentionally or not. "I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I... I'm going through some stuff right now."

Holst came over and sat beside Hilda on the bed, making her bounce a little bit. He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her tight to his side. "Listen, Hilda," he said gently, "I know Mom and Dad aren't happy with you. They've mellowed out recently since you never come home—they told me as much themselves—but the thing is, regardless of what you may think, they do want you to be happy. I know you're young and full of life and you want to express that. I see a lot of my bad habits in you, unfortunately. But they're right, you know. Settling down a little bit isn't all bad."

Hilda shook her head. "It's not them. I know where I stand with them. I'll never be the daughter I should be. So I don't. They can't have very high expectations for me if I'm not perfect. Anything I do that isn't awful is a welcome surprise for them. Keeps them on their toes."

Holst looked confused. "Then what's going on?"

"Marianne moved out." Hilda started to pick at her nails. "Um, and... I kinda ruined our friendship on top of that."

"What did you do?"

"Well, we, um... you know. And then in the morning, I kinda just left... without saying goodbye. And then she moved and I haven't actually spoken to her at all since then."

"Hilda..."

"Okay, but I have my reasons! Marianne deserves better than me, that's all. I can't just date a girl who has her shit together. She has a degree, a job, she works for her money. She's so much better than me in every conceivable way. I just... I'd let her down if we were together. I know I would. I figured she'd be better off without me. So I... pulled myself out. I know it's not the most effective contraceptive but they don't really make condoms for heartbreak."

Holst was quiet for a long moment. "I wish I could offer you advice, but I don't know if anything I say will change your mind. I'm not in your position either, being gay and such, so I can't even begin to imagine how that complicates things even further. Um, all I do want to say is, you put Marianne on a very high pedestal. If you don't like it, maybe don't do it to her."

Hilda looked at the floor. She was holding back tears and couldn't bring herself to talk about this anymore. "Can I go now? I still have time to make my escape."

"You should spend time with us sometime, okay?" he said as he clapped her on the back. "I would like my child to know their aunt."

"Pfft, I got time until that thing is born. It'll be fine. Maybe I'll have my shit figured out." Hilda bounced up off the bed and to the door. "See ya later, bro."

"Bye, Hilda. If you need anything, let me know."

Hilda had one of the family's drivers take her back to her apartment. In her pocket was the picture of Marianne she had plucked off her wall the night before. Something about it had stuck with her and she couldn't bear to leave it behind. She pulled it out of her pocket and stared at it. Holst was right. Hilda did put Marianne up on a pedestal. But she deserved to be there. Marianne was perfect. And Hilda was so... Hilda... She didn't know what she was going to do anymore. The only thing she could think of to do was self-destruct. That would really be the only way to get Marianne out of her mind.

Raphael was a boy that Hilda had known since high school. They had never been very close, but Hilda did find him sweet and charming. She kept him on the back burner since he, much like Marianne, liked to have sex with her and always had weed. She did love him, but she really couldn't see herself spending the rest of her life with him. He was just a fun toy. He loved when she gave him attention but both of them lived perfectly happy lives when they weren't in contact. He invited her over with no hesitation when she reached out.

Both of them understood the terms of their engagement. There wasn't any commitment. They didn't need to go on dates. They both seemed perfectly happy to fulfill their roles. As she entered Raphael's place, he picked her up with ease and carried her off to the bedroom. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him softly as they went.

He laid her down on the bed and she smiled up at him. "So what happened this time?" he asked in his deep, chipper voice. He wasn't being particularly forward which Hilda thought was strange. He had just started spooning her, his large arms engulfing her.

Hilda leaned back into him, letting his presence soothe her. She didn't want to make small talk but humored him anyway. "Marianne moved away you know," Hilda said in a low voice. "And I had a run-in with my parents. Really a lot of things aren't right, right now. Except this." She stroked his arm.

Raphael rolled his eyes. "This isn't right either, Hilda. But you haven't called me in a bit so I invited you over. Mainly because you called at a good time. I need to talk to you about something."

"Don't tell me you have an STD or something," Hilda said with a laugh.

Raphael shook his head and his grip around her tightened. "Um... well, no. I'm going to try and date someone seriously. There's this girl I like and... well... I can't be doing this if I'm with her."

"Oh..." Hilda frowned deeply. She spun around in his arms so she was facing him. "You guys aren't official yet?"

He shook his head. "We're going out tomorrow to test the waters. I think it'll go well, though. She seems to like me back. Isn't that nice?" He smiled.

She nodded. "Yeah, Raph... I'm really happy for you. Honestly."

"Well, should we have sex?" he asked a bit uncertainly. 

Hilda shook her head. "Nah... That's okay. You've got another girl on your mind." She flipped around again so that he was spooning her once more. "But you can humor me and let me stay like this for a bit."

"Of course."

The two settled in. It wasn't long until Raphael had fallen asleep. Hilda gently stroked his arm as she listened to his heavy breathing that would soon turn to thunderous snoring. So she was going to lose him too, huh? She didn't like Raphael like she liked Marianne but he was a safety net. He'd always been there just like Marianne had. Maybe he even liked Hilda at some point but gave up on the chase. She really was happy for him but all she could think about was him being happy with a girl he actually liked and not being cruelly strung along by Hilda. She sighed. Maybe she wasn't good enough for anyone.

"Um, Raph... Are you awake?" Hilsa asked quietly.

His breathing faltered and he cleared his throat. "Yeah, Hilda. What's up?" She felt him squeeze her tighter and she let out a soft sigh.

"Did you ever like me? Like actually like me."

He chuckled. "Of course I did! You're beautiful and charming and so good at conversation. You're not a great cook, which is a little unfortunate, but definitely not a deal-breaker." That pulled a laugh out of Hilda. "I don't know. You're just nice."

"Well, what made you stop liking me then?"

"Um..." He paused awkwardly as he searched for the words to say. "You... don't really apply yourself. I don't know. It never felt like we would ever do anything, you know. Like you very much like to stay in your own world and not leave it. That's fine. Just, you know, in terms of relationships, it doesn't do much. I figured we'd never end up together."

"Yeah... Thanks for being honest, Raph. Make sure you tell me how your date goes, okay? I want to know if it happens."

"Of course, Hilda. Anything else I can do for you?" 

Hilda shook her head. "You've done so much for me already." She kissed his bicep. "You're amazing."

He laughed. "You're too nice."

Hilda was high on Claude's couch when he came home from the range. She wasn't sure what day it was let alone what time of the day it was. Her life had been a bit of a blur since Marianne had left. She hadn't moved all day and he sat on her when he walked in. She didn't react aside from her breathing becoming harder as Claude crushed her lungs.

"How long do you plan on being high on my couch?" Claude asked gruffly.

Hilda could hardly breathe. "How long has it been?" she wheezed.

"Two weeks, bordering three. You haven't left my house in almost three weeks. It's really killing the vibe since you're so depressed. And you're making the whole place stink. And you keep eating all my food. So either get over Marianne or make up with her. Deadline to get out is tomorrow morning. Got it?"

Hilda nodded. "Yeah... that's fine. Whatever."

"Here." Claude held out a piece of paper to her.

"What is this?" she asked as she took it gingerly.

"That's my cousin's address. I need you to go over there tomorrow to pick up some old books that I want from him."

Hilda looked at the piece of paper. She wasn't exactly sure where it was, but the name of it sounded familiar. It was somewhere quite a ways outside the city. About a four- to five-hour drive, if she had to hazard a guess. What kind of books did he need so badly? 

"Hey, Claude?"

"Yeah?" He had leaned back on the couch and had turned the tv on. He was still sitting on Hilda, though he had fallen a bit into the crack between Hilda and the couch so he wasn't crushing her as bad as before.

"Why do I have to go do this?"

"First of all, you need to get out of the house. Second of all, some of us have lives where we can't just do whatever we want all the time. I don't know if I've seen you sober in two weeks. So no alcohol and no weed for the rest of the evening. Got it?"

Hilda groaned. "Okay, but what kind of books are these? Are they like porn magazines or something? That's a little old school if you ask me."

Claude smacked her gently on the head. "So many questions from the girl who needs to be getting off my couch. Just do what I ask as payment for letting you crash here for so long."

"Fine, fine, okay!" Hilda sighed heavily. Well, it wasn't like she had plans. She supposed it wasn't going to kill her.


	4. Back To December

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back To December - Taylor Swift
> 
> Really didn't mean to use two country songs in a row but sometimes they're just good ya know.  
> Regardless, thank you for all the kind comments and kudos and such! It means a lot. Especially with these longer and slower updates.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this chapter!

When Hilda had agreed to go to Claude's cousin's house to pick up those books, she had failed to actually realize how far away it was. It wasn't until around eight in the morning while she was eating Claude's toaster waffles that it occurred to her she had no idea how she was going to get there. It wasn't like she could drive legally; it was a bit far for her to want to risk driving illegally. She certainly didn't want her parents to know she was going so far out of the city so having one of the family's drivers take her anywhere was off the table. Her parents would have way too many questions that she didn't have the answer to. She didn't necessarily want to rope anyone else into driving her either as, again, they would have too many questions that she didn't have answers to. 

"Claude!" Hilda groaned loudly as she swirled her fork through the leftover syrup on her plate.

Claude came into the kitchen, fixing his hair as he walked. He was already dressed for work and he regarded Hilda with a look of mild annoyance, though it was his usual irritation towards her when she was being a pain. He must've cheered up a bit since Hilda was doing what he wanted and getting out of his house. "Yes?" he singsonged.

"How exactly do you expect me to get to your cousin's house?"

"Oh, that's right, you can't drive," he mumbled. He stroked his beard thoughtfully then snapped his fingers. "There's a line that runs near there. You'd have to take a car or something to the actual house, but that would probably only take another fifteen minutes."

Hilda groaned and leaned against the counter dramatically. "Really? Can't we just go together a different day then?"

"He wants them gone asap and I'm not free to go out there anytime soon. Please, Hilda." He grabbed both of her hands in his and clutched them to his chest. "You're my only hope."

Hilda could think of roughly a trillion things she'd rather do than spend all morning on a train, and yet that was exactly what she was doing. Claude had dropped her off on the station on his way to work, thankfully, so that part of her journey was taken care of. Still, it was going to be about a four and a half-hour train ride to the city that Marianne lived just outside of. Hilda wasn't super jazzed about it. 

She settled into her seat on the train and looked out the window as she heaved a heavy sigh. It was going to be a very long ride. She'd taken a book, but even Claude laughed when she put it into her backpack. Claude also insisted she take an extra set of clothes in case she got stuck out there for the evening. Hilda didn't think she would but didn't question it either. Claude was being extra pushy about it so she just did what he said to get him off her back.

She checked the address again. Like the night before she had some recognition of the place and roughly where it was located though she wasn't sure why she even knew it existed. It was starting to bug her that she couldn't figure it out. How had she known how far it was without looking it up? Had she been there before? She was wracking her brain, but even sober, she couldn't seem to remember. 

As she started scrolling mindlessly through her phone to pass the time, Marianne texted her. It was the first time in a while that she had. It was a simple message. She'd just said she had a few of Hilda's things and was wondering if Hilda wanted them back or if she should pitch them. She offered to send them via mail if she wanted. Hilda chewed her lip as she thought about it. 

Probably whatever Marianne had of hers was clothing which Hilda didn't particularly need back. Even with it missing, she could barely walk through her apartment. Although, if any of it was underwear she'd probably want that back as she only wore her best when spending time with Marianne. There was a good chance that she'd left a bra or some panties there at some point.

> **Hilda:** Awkward question but if any of it's underwear, could you send me a pic?

It was only a few minutes later that Hilda received another text. 

> **Marianne:** Yeah. Here.

Hilda studied the photo. So that's where that bra had gone. She weighed her options as she looked at each clothing item. Did she need any of it back that badly? She didn't want Marianne to pay to ship it and she wasn't too fond of the idea of sending her worn underwear through the mail, clean or otherwise. But it wasn't like Marianne was a short trip down the street to pick it up. She did want some of it back... 

> **Hilda:** Ah, I don't need it. You can do whatever you want with it!
> 
> **Marianne:** Are you sure? I don't mind getting it back to you.
> 
> **Hilda:** No, that's perfectly fine. 
> 
> **Marianne:** Okay. 
> 
> **Hilda:** So how have you been?

Hilda sucked in a sharp breath. She couldn't believe she'd just sent that. The conversation had just started flowing and she was curious. She closed her phone quickly and waited for Marianne to respond if she even did at all.

> **Marianne:** Fine. It's a little lonely out here by myself I have to say. Claude's been calling me a bit more to talk so that's nice. And work's good.
> 
> **Hilda:** That's good to hear.
> 
> **Marianne:** How about you?
> 
> **Hilda:** You know the usual.
> 
> **Marianne:** Garreg Mach treating you okay?
> 
> **Hilda:** It's the same as always.
> 
> **Marianne:** Sounds like everything's been normal since I've been gone then.

It felt like Marianne had stabbed in her chest. Of course, she didn't want to let on how miserable she had been since Marianne left but making her think that she wasn't needed was not her intention. 

> **Hilda:** No I miss you 

Hilda's thumb hovered over the send button. Could she really send that to Marianne? Marianne might hate her if she did. It was her fault that they were hardly speaking after all. Would it be fair to say she missed her? She bit her lip. She hit send. Her body was instantly filled with dread as she watched the chat bubble move up on the screen. Every part of her had become covered in a nervous sweat. She shoved her phone in her backpack not wanting to see the response to that any time soon.

The train ride continued. One hour passed. Two hours passed. Three hours passed. Marianne didn't answer her text. Hilda's chest and stomach were twisted in knots as she waited and waited for a text that never came. Her throat felt so tight she could hardly breathe and she wished that she had never sent that stupid text in the first place.

When she finally arrived at her destination, she stopped for lunch. If she was being honest, she had no appetite, but she wanted to give herself a little buffer of time before meeting Claude's cousin. Her nerves were fried and she wasn't sure she could talk to anyone at that moment. Ordering food at the counter had proved a monumental task so being in an enclosed space with a stranger probably wasn't going to go well. She tucked herself in a booth at the back of a McDonald's and checked her phone again. Still no message from Marianne. She chewed on the end of her straw dejectedly.

The whole thing was starting to upset her. At least cut her off completely and not ignore her. Hilda was better with outright rejection than the silent treatment. At least with the former, she knew where she stood. Then again, she wasn't sure she deserved that honor. Maybe it was best she didn't get a text back. She'd been such an ass that any bad karma was just her retribution. 

It had started raining by the time she called a car to go to the house. The gray, threatening clouds that she had headed towards on her journey had finally fulfilled their promise. It was a short ride to her destination, a pretty small and shabby house. There was absolutely nothing amazing about it. It didn't even really look lived it. For the first time since Claude had sent her on this mission, she felt a pit of anxiety grow in her stomach.

Hilda thanked her driver as she pulled her hood up over her head. She shuffled quickly to the door, the rain harder than she expected. She was glad there was a porch with an awning. The driver was already gone by the time she shook herself out and rang the doorbell.

After a long moment, nobody came to answer the door. The pit in her stomach grew deeper. Claude wouldn't send her to some murder den, she was fairly sure. She glanced at the other houses down the street. They seemed to be in about the same condition as the one she was at. The numbers on the side of the house were right too. She swallowed hard and rang the doorbell again.

Hilda could've imagined pretty much anyone answering the door except for the person who did. Marianne stood with a baggy t-shirt and gym shorts at the door. Her hair was in the messiest of ponytails to pass as presentable and she looked like she'd just woken up.

When Marianne realized who she had just opened up the door for, her eyes went wide. Hilda was pretty sure she stopped breathing entirely, her body entirely frozen in what Hilda could only assume was pure panic. Hilda fared no better. Her heart nearly stopped as she looked up into Marianne's eyes, wearing a matching look of horror.

Hilda recovered first. "I-I'm so sorry. Cl-Claude he... Fuck, I'll go." She practically stumbled over her own feet as she scrambled away from the door and went to head down the porch steps.

"Is it true?" Marianne asked softly. She was barely loud enough to be heard over the rain.

Hilda stopped in her tracks, looking back at Marianne with wide eyes. She hadn't heard Marianne's voice in so long she had almost forgotten what she sounded like. "I-Is what true?"

"Your text." Marianne was staring firmly at the ground. "That you... That you miss me."

"Oh," Hilda said with a nervous chuckle. She put one hand on her hip and the other behind her head, trying to act natural but achieving the exact opposite of that. "That... Haha, yeah... I mean... How could I not? You're my best friend."

Marianne nodded once. "Right..."

"I'm really sorry about this. Claude told me to come here. I wouldn't have—"

"Do you want to come in?" Marianne cut her off.

"Erm, well, I-I couldn't. I know you don't want to see me." Even though that's what Hilda said she took a step closer towards the door.

Marianne gripped the door handle harder. She hadn't looked up at Hilda since their first look at each other; but even so, Hilda could tell she was worked up. "Shut up!" she snapped. "You don't get to decide what I do or don't want. Do you ever listen to me?!" 

Hilda's heart started to beat faster. Marianne had never used that tone with her before. Her throat started to close up as tears threatened at the corners of her eyes. "I'm-I'm sorry. I don't... I don't want to stress you out."

Marianne let out a sigh and let go of the door. "Just come inside." She finally looked up at Hilda again. Her eyes held little of their usual light and she looked almost defeated. "Even if you call a car, it'll be a while before they're here. You can't just sit on the curb."

Hilda shifted awkwardly. Marianne was right about that at least. As if to punctuate the point, there was a loud crack of thunder right overhead. It sent a chill up Hilda's spine. "Pardon the intrusion," she mumbled as she crossed the threshold into the lion's den.

Hilda stepped into the front hallway. The floor of the old house creaked underneath her. To her left was the staircase that led upstairs. To her right was a small nook where Marianne directed her to take her shoes off and drop her bag.

Carefully, she followed Marianne down the hallway which eventually opened up into a kitchen with a dining room area off to the left and the living room area off to the right. Marianne seemed to be fully unpacked which was both unsurprising and surprising to Hilda. Certainly enough time had passed for Marianne to have unpacked all of her things. Hilda just thought if she had moved she would certainly still have plenty of things in boxes. The strangest part was it looked very similar to Marianne's apartment; but then again, it was all her stuff.

"Have a seat on the couch," Marianne said with a vague gesture in its direction.

Hilda obeyed silently. She crept across the room and sat gingerly on the couch. It was certainly the same old couch. It had the same stain from when Hilda had accidentally spilled ketchup on it and it cupped her butt in all the right ways. She felt kind of silly to think that she missed it. She relaxed a bit, letting her body melt into the couch. Without thinking about it, her mind jumped to the last time she'd sat on it. Marianne had been eating her out. Hilda's face felt warm. 

"Can I get you anything?" Marianne asked as she appeared beside her. She was holding a glass of water and looked like she was half going to offer it to Hilda.

"No, I'm alright," Hilda said quickly. "I just ate."

"I guess you can take those clothes," Marianne continued as she sat on the couch. "If you wanted them."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Must've gotten mixed in your laundry or something." Hilda laughed for only a second before it tapered off into an awkward cough.

The conversation died, murdered really by the tension in the air. Hilda just wasn't sure what to say. Should she apologize? Well, she knew she should; but, was that what Marianne wanted to hear? She chewed the inside of her cheek. Never in her life had she been so confused as to what her next move should be. The rain could be heard pattering the roof as the two sat in absolute silence. There was another crack of thunder that shook the house.

Marianne pulled out a book after another long moment of silence. She opened it up and began to read quietly as if Hilda weren't even there. Hilda watched her, clutching one of the couch pillows to her chest. When she had imagined making up with Marianne, she hadn't expected it to go like this. She was thinking something more like them throwing themselves at each other and kissing roughly as they were overcome with joy and grief. The rain would've even been a nice addition to the dramatics of it all. What she got was... terribly awkward. There were so many situations she would've rather been stuck in—at this point, a five-course meal with her parents sounded like a better option! One thing she was sure of was Claude would be dead meat the next time she saw him.

"Th-The house is nice," Hilda said, once again trying to make conversation. She couldn't take the silence anymore.

Marianne glanced up from her book for only a second. Her eyes still managed to look Hilda up and down. "I suppose it is."

Hilda folded her hands together. So Marianne was going to play hard to get? Fair enough. Hilda had won her over once before. Surely she could do it again. Although, this time she was playing against her jackassery which was not a hurdle she'd faced before.

"How's your job?" Hilda tried.

"Fine."

"Do you... like your coworkers?"

"Yes, they're very nice."

"Better than the old place?"

"Sure."

Hilda gritted her teeth on the verge of pulling her hair out. This was so unfair. Marianne had to give her something to work with. Anything would do. She took a deep breath. Maybe a different approach would work. "I'm really sorry," she offered.

"For what?"

"Um... well, you know."

"No, I don't actually. Please, enlighten me."

Marianne was really going to make Hilda spell it out for her, huh? Hilda swallowed the lump in her throat and said, "For having sex with you and then leaving in the morning and not saying goodbye."

"Is that all?" The question wasn't a challenge. Marianne sounded genuinely curious.

Hilda blinked in surprise. "I-Is there more?"

"Oh, well, if you don't think so, then perhaps there isn't."

"Marianne, if you're mad at me, just tell me!" Hilda said sharply. She sounded more defeated as she added, "I can't read your mind. Please..."

Marianne snapped her book shut and turned to face Hilda on the couch. "Hilda, I'm going to tell you a story. You're going to listen to every word I say. When I'm finished, you may speak. Sound okay?"

Hilda nodded slowly. "Okay." She didn't like where this was headed; but, she couldn't say no to Marianne at this point if she wanted to talk.

"It was prom night, senior year. That seems so long ago now, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I was going with the one and only Hilda Goneril, one of the most popular girls in school. We had both told our parents that we were going as friends because neither of us could get a date. That wasn't true for her—she had so many boys falling at her feet—but she wanted to go with me so badly I could hardly believe it. She even promposed to me which was silly and only mad me blush terribly and cry. Anyway, she came and picked me up at my house. Her parents had arranged a limo. I was so nervous waiting for her to get there. I was pacing my kitchen while my parents talked about how pretty I was. All I could think about was if Hilda would find me pretty.

"When she arrived at my house, I almost cried seeing her. She was incredibly beautiful. Her hair was done into braids just like mine because she knew what I would do without evening asking me. She was dressed in a beautiful, pink ball gown. She looked like nothing less than a princess. But, what really made me almost cry was the look that she was giving me. I know I saw my stunned amazement reflected in her eyes. I had never had anybody look at me the way she was looking at me that day. That's when I knew it. I'm in love with Hilda Goneril.

"That night couldn't have been more perfect. She was perfect. She fawned over me the entire evening. I could feel how sweaty her palms were; but, she played it off saying that she was sweaty because of all the dancing we were doing. We had so much fun. I didn't think I could have that much fun.

"She spent the night at my house. I remember that she kissed me the entire way home, barely letting me up for air. I didn't want her to either. We made an attempt to have sex. It was an utter failure. My hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold onto her. We managed to get our tops and bras off. She gave me hickeys all over my chest and worked me into quite the fluster. Still, I couldn't bring myself to let her touch me anywhere else. I was just too nervous. Too shy. But she didn't seem to mind. She was making me laugh as we lied topless in bed, trying to ease my nerves. Then she told me that we could go at my pace. My heart was pounding just hearing those words from her. I thought she was going to be mad at me that I wouldn't sleep with her. Especially since she had just taken me out to the dance and flirted with me all evening. I thought she was going to spread rumors about me. About me being a lesbian or me being the loser virgin who couldn't even have sex with the prettiest girl in school given the opportunity. But when she looked at me as she said that, the look in her eyes while she stared at me, not at my body, told me everything I needed to know. She wouldn't breathe a word of this to anyone. She would keep the moment to herself. I knew then that even if she wouldn't say it, even if she didn't want to admit it, she loved me back. Hilda Goneril loved me back. I was happy enough just knowing that."

Marianne shifted on the couch and took a long drink of water. Her hand was shaking slightly as she brought the cup to her lips. Hilda watched her with a tense expression not saying anything—she knew the story wasn't over yet. Her memory of that evening was a little fuzzier, but that all sounded about right. She hadn't known them not having sex was such a monumental occasion for Marianne. Marianne set the cup back down and Hilda straightened up as she waited for the story to continue.

"I've been content knowing that for a long time. I thought, 'Hilda will tell me when she's ready.' But she never did. Well, I mean, I guess she has in theory. But she's never looked me in the eyes and said it seriously even if I did. You know, I've stayed single in the hopes that Hilda Goneril would return my feelings someday.

"She almost did. We've had sex more times than I can count. I've tested her too. If I say no, she doesn't push me even when I can tell she really, really wants it. I've seen her so horny before that she couldn't sit still and watching her made me want to have sex with her. Even so, I said no only for her to nod and shake it off like she never wanted to have sex in the first place. Then I heard her in the shower when she thought I couldn't getting herself off and cursing my name. But every time, I would see that look. The one that said that she loves me all over again. And I fell for it every time.

"I started seeing it more often. When we were cooking, cleaning, shopping, anything. She would look to me for approval. She would seek me out. I knew she desperately wanted to be with me. She would give me that look and I would hold out just a little bit longer every time. Hilda Goneril loves me. She will tell me she loves me when she's ready.

"But... she never seemed to be ready. She joined Garreg Mach when her parents got mad at her. I know why. She didn't think I would appease her parents. I was a woman after all. Despite Hilda saying she was never seeking her parents' approval, I knew she always was. Who doesn't? So she went on date after date with the most horrible people. She was emotionally exhausted, I could tell. And she stopped giving me that look. She had run yourself ragged trying to figure out who she was going to be able to please. She only came to me because I was the constant. I was a safe place for her to rest her head. She didn't need to feel anything when she was around me. I started to doubt if she ever even loved me at all or if I was just easy.

"When I moved away, I thought that would be when she told me. I don't know if it would've been enough for me to stay, hearing those three words that had evaded me for so long. It would've been nice to hear them though. We had sex the night before I left. It hurt more than I can describe. I gave her everything I had, hoping and praying that she would give me the one thing I wanted more than anything. Instead, I woke up to an empty bed and my spare key left on the kitchen counter. 

"I had never cried so hard in my life. I sat on my kitchen floor clutching the key to my chest. Had I wasted my time? Was I just another pawn? Maybe she gave that look to everyone. Maybe I was never special to begin with. Was I stupid for wasting years chasing my high school crush? A girl so popular she could have anyone. But why did she chose me at prom? Why did she say it was okay if we went at my pace? I had so many questions and none of the answers. So I packed my things and I left."

Marianne stopped then. She stood up from the couch and looked at Hilda. She had tears in her eyes but was holding them back. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I know I said I would let you speak, but I don't know if I can hear what you have to say right now. I'm going to go make dinner." Without waiting for Hilda's response, she went into the kitchen and started loudly pulling pans out of the cabinets.

Hilda sat in stunned silence. She didn't even know she was crying until she felt the tears drip onto her firmly clasped hands. She shuddered and quickly wiped at her eyes. How had she never known that Marianne needed her approval? She'd been seeking that same feeling from Marianne since high school. Of course, Marianne would want it reciprocated. Hilda's chest ached. There had to be a way to make amends. 

She glanced over the back of the couch at Marianne flitting about the kitchen. It was still a little early for dinner; but, Hilda knew she needed to do something to distract herself from everything. Marianne was sensitive and telling Hilda all of that more than likely drained any emotional reserve she had built up. She could see how badly Marianne was shaking as she tried her hardest to cut up chicken breasts. 

Hilda laid down on the couch. She would just be quiet for a while and let Marianne blow off some steam. Hilda wasn't even sure she could respond at that moment anyway. Marianne was right about everything. She needed to think of a way to let Marianne know she loved her. That she had always loved her. That she just had never felt adequate for Marianne. Her head spun with things she wanted to say; and in the end, she ended up falling asleep.

Marianne's voice was drifting softly from the kitchen. She was speaking quietly but her tone implied that she would've been yelling if she could've. The house smelled amazing and Hilda's stomach growled. She didn't know how long she'd been out. As she went to sit up, she heard Marianne hiss, "Claude, you can't just meddle whenever you feel like it."

Hilda froze mid situp. She knew she should've made it obvious she was awake but she couldn't stop herself from eavesdropping. 

"I don't particularly care how she's been... Okay, I do, but that's not my problem... She would do that to me too!... Listen, I appreciate the effort but I wasn't ready for this... No, she's been asleep half the time she's been here... Just, next time a warning would be appreciated, you know? Before you send in the girl who shattered my heart to my house. That would be kind of you so I don't nearly go into shock when I see her... Yeah... Yeah... Okay... Bye, Claude."

Hilda heard Marianne start to approach the living room and Hilda pretended to be asleep again. Her heart was pounding. She didn't know which part of the conversation she'd come in at and all she'd managed to get out of it was that Marianne was not very happy to see her. Then again, if Hilda was in her shoes, she probably wouldn't be feeling too awesome either. Marianne's hand touched her over the back of the couch and she involuntarily jumped.

"Sorry," Marianne murmured. "You alright? You don't normally startle when I wake you."

"B-Bad dream," Hilda mumbled as she pulled herself up. 

"Oh, I'm sorry... Um, dinner's ready if you're hungry. Come to the kitchen."

Hilda nodded slowly and pulled herself off of the couch. Stiffly, she followed Marianne to the kitchen.

Marianne plucked two plates down from the cabinet and handed one off to Hilda. She seemed to be feeling better and had reigned in her emotions again. She gestured to the stove. "Eat as much as you'd like. There's plenty."

Hilda nodded and awkwardly served herself. She'd grown accustomed to eating with Marianne like this; but in their current state of affairs, it felt odd for her to be eating first. She felt like they were back at square one where even Hilda was nervous to eat at Marianne's house. 

While Marianne waited for Hilda to get food, she moved over to the fridge. "Anything you want to drink? I have wine."

"No thanks... I'm gonna lay off drinking for a little bit. Um, if you have like... Coke or something."

Marianne produced a can of orange vanilla Coke. It was Hilda's favorite much to Marianne's dismay. In fact, Marianne hated it and couldn't stand to kiss Hilda after she drank it. But there it was in Marianne's hand.

"Why do you have that?" Hilda blurted out.

Marianne blinked in surprise then blushed. "I bought it the other day without thinking about it... I felt stupid when I brought it home and I even tried a can. It's still absolutely disgusting, by the way, and you're an animal for drinking it. But I... I don't know."

"W-Well, since you're not going to drink it, I might as well," Hilda said with a nod. Marianne set the can on the table marking where Hilda was going to sit and Hilda took the seat without questioning it.

She waited for Marianne to get her own food and sit down at the table. Marianne gave her a curious look. "Not hungry?"

"N-No! I am... I was waiting for you."

"Well, you never have before," Marianne said with a light chuckle. Marianne rested her elbows on the table and laced her fingers together, resting her chin on the bridge they created. She had a knowing look in her eyes. "Should we say grace?"

Hilda's face flushed. So Marianne could feel the awkwardness too. Dinners like this had always happened when Hilda had stayed at the Edmund's. Eating at the dinner table formally and waiting for everyone to arrive so that Margrave Edmund could say prayers over the meal. Of course, when Marianne's parents weren't around, the two of them had never said grace over any meal they'd eaten together. The mood for the evening just seemed to remind them both of it.

"It's been so long, I don't know if I even remember what your father used to say," Hilda said with a short laugh.

"Unfortunately, I do," Marianne said rubbing her forehead. "Then again, you didn't go eighteen years doing that for every meal. And I still go eat with them on occasion."

"Right... Um, so, Marianne—"

"After dinner, please, Hilda," Marianne said quickly. "I'm sorry. I promise after dinner. I would just like to eat first..."

Hilda nodded slowly. "Y-Yeah, okay."

Marianne wasn't saying anything but Hilda could hardly blame her. The silence was deafening as Hilda twirled her pasta around her fork and shoved it into her mouth. Chew, chew, chew. Swallow. Repeat. It took about ten minutes for them to both silently eat their dinners. Marianne cleared their plates away and then sat back at the table. 

"Alright," she said with her eyes closed. She took a deep breath and then opened her eyes again. "I'm ready."

"I'm not good enough to be with you," was what Hilda lead with. She had all of dinner to think about what to say and had come up blank. So she said the most honest thing she could think of. 

"I don't think that," Marianne blurted out with wide eyes.

"It's true though. You're better than me. At everything. Even things that people wouldn't think you're better at you are. You're better at holding meaningful conversations. You're better at sex. You're better at cooking. You're better looking. You're better at being an adult. I still think I'm eighteen."

"That last part might be true but don't sell yourself too short on the rest," Marianne said softly. Her cheeks were tinged pink at the compliments.

Hilda sighed. "I've always liked you. I've never stopped liking you. I couldn't stop liking you. I was just... scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah... I've always been the pretty girl with lots of friends. Everybody is my friend but nobody is really that close to me. I didn't want to let anybody in because I was too afraid they would stop liking me if they got to know me. I didn't want to let anybody down. You were uncharted waters but I couldn't help myself from getting close to you. I loved you so much. But I couldn't bring myself to drag you in all the way. I was so scared I would mess up. That I would never be good enough to be your girlfriend. And my parents... I was so afraid that if I started dating you, I would let them down too. They wanted me to be normal like Holst but I'm not. And I... I would lie awake at night wondering if I could ever please both of you. There was never any good answer. So I tried to have both. I dated men and I slept with you. It worked out for a while...

"When you said you were moving, I thought that was a sign that I couldn't be happy. That I would have to follow what my parents said and spend the rest of my life unhappy. The last night we spent together, I desperately wanted to say that I loved you. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't think that was what you wanted to hear. I thought that maybe you would think I was just trying to make you stay for selfish reasons. It didn't seem like a good time. Turns out I couldn't have been more wrong about that."

Hilda laughed awkwardly and brought her hand to her face. Her cheeks were wet with tears again. She looked over to see Marianne had tears rolling down her cheeks as well. She was clinging to every word Hilda was saying. Hilda couldn't know what she was thinking but she hoped that she was getting through to her.

Hilda took a deep breath to try and calm herself again. "I understand if you hate me. That's the only logical choice. But just know that I'm more sorry for this than anything else in my life. I never wanted to hurt you."

Marianne shook her head. "You still think you can decide how I feel about you, after everything I've said?"

"Huh?"

"Hilda Valentine Goneril, I love you so much. I've loved you for so long. And really, at this point, there's nothing you could do that would make me stop loving you. Even if that's against my better judgment since you're a complete and utter clown."

Hilda blinked. "But I..."

"I know..." Marianne reached over and took Hilda's hand. Hilda felt the warmth radiating from her palm and it felt like home.

"I love you too, Marianne," Hilda murmured. "More than I could ever express to you in words."

Marianne's face softened and she looked like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Her grip on Hilda tightened. "I've been waiting to hear that for so long."

"I'm sorry it took so long for me to say."

"Don't worry about it."

Hilda leaned in closer to Marianne seeking a kiss. It had been so long and she just wanted to feel Marianne's body on hers again. She was met with Marianne's hand firmly against her mouth and a shocked expression.

"Hilda," Marianne said in a startled whisper. "Just because I said I loved you doesn't mean I want to be with you."

Hilda couldn't even imagine what shade of red her face was. She had never been turned down like that in her life. It stung deep in her chest. She didn't understand. Wasn't the whole point of making up so they could be together? They'd come clean about their feelings. Maybe Hilda had been right the whole time and Marianne knew that she was too good for her. Or maybe her love now was just meant in like a friend way. Like Marianne just really cared about her. Hilda felt incredibly embarrassed. 

"I... don't understand," Hilda mumbled around Marianne's hand.

"You broke down a lot of faith and trust I had in you," Marianne said, pulling her hand away. "Um, I just... I don't know, Hilda. It doesn't feel right, right now."

"O-Oh... okay... So, what does that mean?"

"You can spend the night," Marianne said simply. "But you're sleeping on the couch." With that, she stood up from the table. "I'm going to take a shower and then head off to bed."

Hilda was given a blanket and pillow to sleep with on the couch. She now understood why Claude insisted that she take an extra pair of clothes. Really, she wasn't expecting to get to sleep in Marianne's bed but being put on the couch stung a little bit. Hilda had never slept anywhere but Marianne's bed in the entire time she'd known her. Still, she knew she shouldn't push her luck so she curled on the couch. 

Her mind swirled with Marianne's words. It didn't feel right, she had said. Hilda understood it even if she didn't want to. For Marianne, it would've been weird to just have her heart broken and immediately get back together with the person who had done the heart breaking. Hilda might've been a bit more lenient; but then again, she was the heart breaker and not the heart breakee in this scenario. She would just have to think of a way to build everything back up. She could do it.

"Hilda," Marianne's soft voice cooed to her.

Hilda stirred, her heart starting to beat faster. She opened her eyes slowly. Morning sunlight was just starting to peek into the house. It was the part of the morning where everything hadn't loaded correctly. Hilda was still incredibly groggy. She had barely been able to sleep between Marianne's unfamiliar, creaking house and her troubled mind. Marianne was knelt in front of her, dressed and ready to head out. She looked tired too but also had a gentle look on her face.

"Wha...?" Hilda mumbled.

"I'm taking you to the station, remember? You have to get ready to go."

Hilda sat up quickly, making Marianne jump back in surprise. "Shit, I'll just brush my teeth really quick," Hilda said as she practically launched herself off of the couch. She changed in the kitchen while brushing her teeth. She knew Marianne was probably laughing at her, but the last thing Hilda wanted on day one of her being a better person was to make Marianne late for work.

Marianne caught her as she started down the hall to get her shoes. She wore a small smile. "I woke you up earlier than I needed. You have about ten more minutes."

Hilda's face flushed. "Oh... erm... I guess I'll go pee then."

Marianne laughed and Hilda's heart fluttered at the sound. "Please do. You don't want to have to pee on the drive over."

They sat in the station parking lot. Marianne still had a few more minutes before she had to leave. Hilda was trying to figure out what she wanted to say. She'd been thinking the entire drive over, but nothing had come to mind. Marianne seemed to be content to sit in silence until Hilda was forced out of her car.

"This isn't goodbye," Hilda said finally. "Not this time."

"Should I wait for you?" Marianne asked curiously as she looked over at her. 

"Only if you want to. Just know I'm coming back for you," Hilda said firmly. "I'm not letting you get away this time."

"Okay, Hilda."

"I'd kiss you right now but that seems inappropriate."

"Yeah..." Marianne drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. "You can peck me on the cheek. Gently. No more than two seconds."

Hilda took the opportunity gleefully and gave Marianne a quick peck on the cheek. "I love you. I'll see you soon."


	5. Heart Full Of Scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heart Full Of Scars - Rebecca Black
> 
> This entire fic was a ploy to get you to listen to a single Rebecca Black song.  
> Also, I don't know a thing abt the weed.
> 
> You guys are too kind. Only a little bit left to go.  
> The next chapter should be up fairly soon. It's mostly written. It was supposed to be one chapter with this one but to save y'all from reading a 10k chapter in one go I split it in two. Also means you get to read this bit a little sooner.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Hilda was cleaning up her bedroom at her parent's house. After arriving home from her trip to Marianne's, she had headed straight there. She was still in fairly high spirits and she wanted to carry that energy into cleaning up her room. It was certainly a long-overdue task as she had officially moved out years ago and the things she was finding were faded memories of her past. Old clothes got shoved into bags to donate, trash from who knows when was cleaned out from under her bed, board games were dusted off for the first time in years, and photos of her from high school seemed to be popping up by the dozen.

"God, is that really how Claude used to style his hair?" she asked aloud as she pulled a photo of her and Claude out of a box. It was in a pile of at least thirty other pictures, most of which were with Claude.

Hilda didn't remember taking so many photos but, apparently, loved to. She had pictures of almost everyone she'd known in high school, many of whom she didn't talk to anymore. Though she was disappointed in her lack of photos of Marianne. All the photos she had seemed to be tacked to the wall already. Then she remembered she could hardly ever get Marianne to take a photo with her. If she even so much as pointed her phone at Marianne or had a camera in her presence, Marianne would tuck herself into her ratty, old sweater to hide. Any photo Hilda managed to get was a rare gem. A shame too because Hilda had always thought Marianne was very cute in high school.

There was a soft knock on the doorframe of her room followed by Holst's voice softly calling, "Knock, knock."

"Who's there?" Hilda said without even turning to look at him.

Holst was back in town after hearing—from the biggest backstabber in the world, Claude—that Hilda had been a depressed mess. He had only arrived yesterday which was poor timing as Hilda was gone; Claude failed to mention to Holst that Hilda was gone because _he_ asked her to go. She had cleared things up with Holst quickly when she was on her way to Marianne's, but now he was being extra vigilant of her. She didn't necessarily mind him coming by to check on her. However, this was the fourth time he'd walked past her room since she had started cleaning. She had only started two hours ago. At least it was the first time he'd said anything. 

"Your older brother," he said gently. Without even looking at him, she could tell he was itching to enter her room.

"Your older brother who?"

"Your older brother who is wondering what you're doing cleaning out your room like this. Your recent state of mind doesn't fill me with hope."

Hilda looked up at him to see a genuinely concerned look on his face and bit her snarky retort. "It's nothing like that," she assured him. "Um... moving fully out of Mom and Dad's place seemed like the first step to becoming a real adult. Speaking of which, can you take me driving?"

Holst's concern turned to pure confusion. "Driving?"

"Yeah, I want to get my license."

"You do? I thought you hated driving."

"I do. But I'll need to be able to drive to work every day since I'm moving out of the city and won't have as reliable public transit."

Holst shook his head, blinking several times as he did. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hilda, slow down. Moving out of the city? Where are you going?"

"I want to move out by Marianne." Saying it out loud did sound pretty stupid, Hilda had to admit. But she'd already made up her mind on going.

"Are you moving in with her? Did you two make up?"

Hilda rubbed the back of her neck. "Not like... technically. We're not together and I'm not moving in with her. Um... Marianne... she's the one. I don't want to live a day without her. I just have to prove I can be the partner she needs. It'll take some time and I can't make it work if I'm not by her."

Holst let out an exasperated chuckle. "You say you want to grow up but you're making a rather rash decision based on love."

She raised an eyebrow. "I seem to recall _someone_ almost getting lost in the woods on a camping trip to try and prove how much he loved camping to a girl he didn't even end up marrying."

He nodded once. "Touché. Neither of us is very good at this, huh?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Oh, not in the slightest. Care to help your poor sister clean up a bit?"

"Oh, absolutely not. But I will if you tell me more about Marianne."

The siblings spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning Hilda's room. It was the first time since Holst had been married that they'd spent so much time together. It was nice. He was way too interested in hearing about Hilda's feelings towards Marianne; though, Hilda knew that was just his way of trying to be supportive of her relationship. It also did feel nice to tell them to someone. It was almost like lifting a weight off of her. And Holst was an incredible listener when he wanted to be. She could've talked about Marianne for hours and Holst would've hung on every word. As much as Hilda hated to admit it, Holst was an amazing older brother. She had missed him a lot.

They had nearly finished getting all of her things sorted and packed. Hilda was starting to feel the afternoon wear her down. The coffee she had had a few hours ago was losing its effectiveness. As she was about to ask Holst when dinner would be, their mother's assistant came to retrieve them.

Holst gave Hilda a look. "Gonna bounce before you have to eat dinner with them?"

Hilda shook her head and let out a long sigh. "Unfortunately, my plan to be an adult includes talking to them."

He smiled and pat her on the head. "Good girl."

They made their way to dinner where they sat at the large table with their parents. The hounds were circling like vultures and Hilda was barely able to make it to her seat through their pushing. She sat and opened up her napkin to lie across her lap only to have to immediately knocked back off by a wet dog nose. She grumbled and bent down to pick it up from the floor. When she sat back up, she saw her parents wearing matching looks of surprise at Hilda sitting at the table.

"Hello, Hilda," said her mother. "I'm glad you could join us."

Hilda nodded. "Of course." 

Dishes of various things were passed around the table and Hilda helped herself. It was a bit hard juggling trying to serve herself and trying to keep one of the three heads of Cerberus off of the table at any given time. The hounds pestered her for a moment before moving on to the next person and doing the same to them. Her father kept halfheartedly scolding them but Hilda saw him slip something to them as they made their rounds. Hilda wasn't sure if she missed dinners like this or not. They certainly were lively compared to her tame dinners alone or with Marianne. Holst had a bottle of wine in his hand next and started to tip it towards Hilda's glass.

"Oh, no thank you," Hilda said quickly, catching the neck of the bottle. "I'm not drinking."

Holst frowned. "Did you lie to me?"

Hilda rolled her eyes. "God, if it's anyone's, it's Marianne's," she hissed quietly. "You do the math, dipshit." Hilda stopped abruptly and cast a glance at her parents. They didn't look pleased with her behavior already and nobody had even taken a bite of food. She took a moment to calm herself before saying, "Sorry. I would just like to be sober for a while, alright? I'm not pregnant. I promise."

Holst nodded slowly though seemed a bit unconvinced. Her parents said nothing much to Hilda's relief. She figured her getting pregnant probably wasn't the most shocking news they could've heard from her. It wasn't exactly a secret to anyone seated at the table that she had sex. Maybe they were hopeful that if she had gotten pregnant she'd marry the baby daddy and finally settle down. That, of course, would not have been true but she let her parents have their dreams. They probably would've been more shocked at Hilda trying to murder Holst if that's how it had come up that she was pregnant.

Dinner continued. It was fairly quiet once everyone started eating. The clinking of tableware filled the room more than any of their voices. Holst was answering questions as they were asked, being careful not to offer up more than he wanted. Even though he was being cagey, their parents still fawned over him like a golden child. Hilda wanted to gag or, at the very least, be excused from the Holst suck up fest. Finally, the conversation flipped to Hilda.

"So, Hilda, anything to share?" her father asked. He said it kindly though Hilda could feel the shift in his tone as he talked to his less accomplished child.

Hilda was practically vibrating with nerves in her seat. She had been waiting for this moment all evening; but, now that it was happening, her stomach was doing flips. She swallowed and said, "Um, Dad... Mom... I want to... get married to someone." The looks on their faces turned to mild interest. Hilda could feel the sweat beginning to bead on her forehead. "Eventually. Not soon or anything. Um..." 

"Well, that's great news," her father said with a bright smile. "Who's the lucky guy? Do we know him?"

"Oh, is it Claude?" her mother added. "He would be a charming husband."

Hilda, who had stupidly taken a drink of water to try and clear her throat, spit back into her cup at the mention of Claude's name. She couldn't think of anyone she'd rather marry less than Claude. If they were the last two people on Earth, she wouldn't marry him. She wiped the water from her chin. "No... um... sh-she's a woman. Marianne Edmund."

Her parents exchanged glances and Hilda could feel her soul starting to leave her body. Every inch of her was screaming to run but she stayed, frozen to the chair as she waited for her parents' beratement. 

"Your old friend from high school?" her mother asked visibly confused. "Dear, there are so many suitable husbands, I don't know why you'd pick her. We know you've had your flings with women and have been supportive of that. We thought you would eventually settle down though."

Hilda bit her cheek as she mulled over her options. Getting worked up didn't seem like the adult option but her parents were pissing her off. Holst's foot gently kicked against hers and she instantly felt calmer. If her parents weren't there for her, he would be. That's all she needed. "It's not a fling, Mom. I love her. And regardless of how you may view us and our relationship, I do plan on marrying her. It can be with or without your blessing."

Her parents exchanged another glance. She didn't know what it said but she was fairly certain it wasn't good. Her mother poked at some lettuce on her plate with a fork, raised her eyebrows, and shrugged. "Well, Hilda... I suppose if that's your choice," she said with a slight disapproving exhale. 

"It is," Hilda said firmly. "I can't imagine any other way I'd be happy. You want me to be happy, right?"

"Of course, dear," her father said. "Of course."

Hilda was shaking in her room after dinner ended. She was filled to the brim with a lot of emotions, none of them pleasant. Holst was sitting on her bed watching her pace. He had yet to say anything, but Hilda wasn't ready to talk yet anyway. 

"They were disappointed," Hilda murmured as she stopped suddenly beside Holst. She bit her finger. "Fuck. Shit. Fuck."

"They'll get over it," Holst said. "And you don't need to worry about them. If they cut you off after this, I'll support you."

Hilda looked at him with wide eyes. "You can't do that. Wh-What if they stop talking to you because of me?"

He shrugged. "And risk losing their other child and grandchild? Doubtful. They may be a little bigoted but they're not stupid. They'll come around. They just need time."

"It's not like I came out as gay tonight at dinner, dude," she said throwing her arms out in exasperation. "It's been like five years."

"Yeah, but you only just told them you wanted to marry a woman. You've sort of been leading them on to the idea that, yes, eventually you would marry a man. So just give them a little time."

Hilda sighed and sat down on the bed. "Fine, but I'm not going to be happy about it."

Holst looped his arm around Hilda's neck and pulled her in close. "Besides, they loved Marianne when you used to bring her over all the time. Remember how Mom would bake special cookies just for Marianne visits? Trust me, when they see how happy she makes you, it'll be alright."

Hilda nodded. "I hope so..."

The next step to Hilda's plan was moving. It only took her a few weeks to find a place to live in the city that Marianne lived just outside of. Claude and Holst helped her move but left Hilda to unpack everything herself. She was looking for work but the job search was coming up a little empty so she made the best of what she had by unpacking all of her things as soon as possible.

The new apartment was much bigger than her last one. It actually had rooms that were separated by doors. It was an exciting development. It also made her realize that she didn't have very much actual furniture. Her living room was empty as she hadn't had a couch. She didn't have a table to eat at or any chairs. The only room she could really put together was her bedroom. She put together her new wardrobe and, for once, put all of her clothes away. She looked around her bedroom. This part felt like home at least. She wouldn't mind spending long periods of time there.

She laid on the floor of her living room. Marianne had texted her asking if she was moved in yet. Hilda had been keeping her up-to-date on all of her whereabouts but had been pretty silent all day. Finally, she was able to send a text back.

> **Hilda:** Hey, sorry, I've been unpacking! I just finished up everything so if you want to come over that's fine. I'm just vibing right now.
> 
> **Marianne:** Okay I'll be over in a bit. Need me to bring you anything to help you vibe?
> 
> **Hilda:** Very tempting. Can you bring it and we'll see?
> 
> **Marianne:** Alrighty. See you soon.

Hilda had ordered take out Chinese by the time Marianne arrived at her apartment. She had set everything up on a blanket in the middle of the bare living room. Marianne looked around the place with both amazement and confusion like a dog just being introduced to a new home.

"It's so clean," she said. "And there's nothing in it."

Hilda laughed. "Thanks. It's bigger than my old house so I don't have stuff to fill the space." She gestured around the room. "But it's all mine! And I do plan on using it."

"Ah, so no more crashing at my house for weeks on end?" Marianne asked.

"Nope! I'm an adult now."

Marianne laughed. "I suppose adults eat take out on the floor then?"

Hilda rolled her eyes and plopped herself down on the blanket. "For now." She patted beside her. "Come eat. It'll be cold if you keep talking."

Dinner passed without much fuss. Marianne was already more receptive to Hilda's attention, but they had been speaking a lot more over text. She was still being a bit reserved in offering up information but seemed much more content to be around Hilda. Hilda also knew that she was happy to have a friend around her again. She was smiling and laughing shyly like she had when Hilda had first started speaking to her. Hilda was practically giddy being around her again.

After Hilda cleaned up dinner, she and Marianne laid on the blanket staring at the ceiling. Hilda had turned the lights off and was letting the only light in the room be from the streetlights outside. They were quiet, enjoying the company of one another. It was obvious that Marianne was missing the company more than Hilda was. She breathed out a long puff of smoke that was also very clearly a sigh.

"You okay?" Hilda asked as she gingerly took the joint from Marianne's fingers. 

Marianne nodded. "I've just missed spending time with people. I'm not good at making friends, as you know."

Hilda chuckled and took a drag from the joint; she figured if she only smoked when Marianne did then she could break her sober streak every so often. "You made friends with me," she said as she breathed out.

She looked over at Marianne only to see Marianne had turned on her side to gaze at her. She smiled and offered her the joint back. Marianne shook her head. Hilda nodded once and set it on the dish just beyond her head. Now that she was on her stomach, she scooted closer to Marianne so they were touching. 

"I should spend the night now," Marianne said quietly as her eyes closed. She laughed. "I wasn't thinking."

Hilda bumped against her and let out a short chuckle. "Ah, your master plan in action."

Marianne reached up and wrapped her arms around Hilda, pulling her down into a hug. "Actually, my master plan was to get high so we could hug for a little bit. It's been a while since I've had any decent human contact."

Hilda's heart fluttered. She thought she'd been pushing it just lying so close to Marianne. Slowly, she reciprocated the hug, wrapping her arms around Marianne as best she could with them both on the floor. By this point, she was practically on top of Marianne; but, Marianne didn't seem to be all that bothered. Hilda gave her a squeeze. "Well, I'll give you all the hugs you want, Mari."

Marianne rubbed Hilda's back gently—Hilda was practically purring in her arms. "I'm happy that we're friends," she whispered. "Thanks for coming out here."

"No problem, Mari," Hilda responded. She nuzzled her face into Marianne's neck. "I love you."

Marianne's arms tightened around her. "I-I love you too..."

Hilda answered her phone groggily. "Yes, hello?"

She hadn't had time to check what time it was as the phone had woken her up. She didn't even know the number. Her back was killing her from sleeping on the floor. Marianne had already left for work but Hilda wasn't exactly sure if that was a while ago or only a few minutes.

"Hello, I'm looking for a Hilda." Hilda took quick notes on the voice. Not overly feminine, a little on the deeper side, no accent to associate her to any specific location. The voice was smooth and soothing. She liked it.

"Speaking." Hilda stifled a yawn in her hand. She stretched as best she could, several of her joints popping as she moved.

"Ah, perfect. This is Dorothea at Dorthy's Sweets. I got your application. Would you like to come in for an interview?"

Hilda perked up almost instantly. "Absolutely."

"Alright. When are you free to come by?"

"My schedule is pretty open so the sooner the better."

"Let me check my schedule," Dorothea murmured. Hilda heard her clicking on a keyboard for just a moment. "If today works, I am free after six. Otherwise, I have tomorrow at noon open as well."

"I'm free today," Hilda said trying not to sound too excited. "I can be there at six."

"Alright, I'll write that down. I look forward to seeing you."

"You as well. Thank you."

Hilda hung up the phone and pumped her fist in the air. All she had to do now was nail this interview and the next step of her plan would be in place. Marianne was going to be so proud of her for finding herself a job. Well, if she got it. On the bright side, at least she had an interview.

Hilda pulled herself off of the floor. It was already past noon; she'd slept in way later than she had intended. Still, she had plenty of time before she needed to get ready. Marianne had texted her good morning since she had left very early and Hilda had barely been awake. Hilda responded with a giddy reply about getting an interview. Marianne gave her two thumbs up and wished her luck. Hilda stared at the messages on her phone. God, she would never get over how cute Marianne was. How could she have ever thought she could live without her?

Hilda took her time getting ready for her interview. She went through two outfit changes before finally settling on a simple dress and stockings. She did her makeup, her hair, her nails even. She gave herself a once over in the mirror right before she was about to leave.

"Hilda, you're gorgeous, sexy, and above all intelligent. You will kill this interview!" she said as she patted her cheek.

She arrived at the small shop with ice cream decals all over the windows. When she had applied to the ice cream shop, she was thinking of it as more of a joke. She figured it would be fun to treat Marianne every once in a while to ice cream. That seemed cute and like it was straight out of a romantic comedy. Now, it seemed it would be a reality. 

The store was small and simple. There were several tables to sit inside on one side while the other side was your average style ice cream counter. The whole place was covered in pastel pinks, greens, and yellows. It was charming and cute. Maybe not exactly Hilda's style but everything she imagined if someone told her she was going into an ice cream shop. She went to the woman behind the counter with a small smile.

"Hi, how can I be assisting you?" the woman behind the counter asked. Her accent wasn't one Hilda had heard before.

"Um, I'm Hilda Goneril. I'm here to see Dorothea."

"Ah, yes. She informed me of your arriving." Without waiting for Hilda's response, the woman disappeared through the back curtain. Hilda could just make out her speaking in a language she did not understand.

Another woman pushed through the curtain with a bright smile on her face. "Ah, Hilda," she said brightly. Hilda recognized her voice instantly. "Come on back."

Hilda was escorted behind the counter, down a hall, and to an office in the back. The office was a mess of boxes, papers, and more boxes. She could barely see the desk that Dorothea sat at. Dorothea pushed aside a stack of papers to make room for them to have their meeting. Dorothea gestured to the chair on the other side of the desk and Hilda gingerly took a seat. 

"Sorry about the mess," Dorothea said. "We just opened up not that long ago and well, push comes to shove, I'm busy. Here's hoping that you'll come in handy."

"That's alright," Hilda assured her.

Dorothea smiled and folded her hands over the desk. "So, let's talk business."

The interview went about as well as Hilda could've imagined. Dorothea was thrilled about Hilda's open availability and not as thrilled about this being Hilda's first job or the fact that she still did not have her driver's license. She liked Hilda's attitude and her smile, saying that it would be nice to have a friendly employee working the counter. She added quickly that Petra was fine on the counter but sometimes she was a bit too blunt or didn't smile. As Dorothea asked questions, Hilda did her best to imitate Holst when he was being asked about things. Only give out the most minimal of information while still making yourself look good. Everything seemed to be going well.

"Well, that's all the questions I have," Dorothea said finally. She picked the papers she had been writing on up and hit them against the desk to align them. "Though, I do have to be honest with you, Hilda. I asked for an interview because Edelgard told me about your date."

It had been so long since Hilda had heard that name she was a bit shocked. She tried not to let her jaw drop too far. "Excuse me?"

"Edelgard and I go way back. I happened to be going through applications while I was talking with her and mentioned your name. She told me about your date and you are just as cute as she said you were."

"Oh, um... ah... Thanks." Hilda didn't necessarily want to get into the fact that her date with Edelgard had perhaps been one of the worst she'd ever had. Edelgard must've been wearing some thick rose-colored glasses if she remembered anything good about it.

"Well, if you want it, job's yours," Dorothea said leaning back in her chair. "You do seem enthusiastic to work so I'll take a chance and I'll be your first." She smiled devilishly. "Do not let me down."

Hilda nodded enthusiastically. "I won't! Thank you."

"Come by tomorrow at three and we can get all your paperwork turned in. Good?"

"Yes. Thank you again!"

"And this is where I work now, Mari," Hilda said as she opened up the door to the ice cream shop.

She'd been working there for a little over a week now and thought it was a fair time to bring Marianne in. She hadn't been fired yet and she seemed to be getting on with Dorothea and Petra so she figured why not. 

Marianne nodded as she looked around. "Oh, very nice. The atmosphere screams ice cream."

Hilda laughed. "It does." She gestured to the woman behind the counter. "That's Dorothea." She then gestured to Petra who was currently sweeping the floor. "And that's Dorothea's wife, Petra."

Petra looked at Dorothea with a raised eyebrow and said something, though Hilda did not understand a word of it. She had heard Petra talk enough in that language by this point to not even think twice about it, but Marianne gave her a somewhat startled glance. Dorothea replied in a kind coo, though the fact that it was not her native tongue shown through quite blatantly.

"They do that when they want to say things but don't want me to know," Hilda said to answer Marianne's unspoken question. She moved right along with introductions and gestured to Marianne. "And this is Marianne."

"She just asked me if it was alright that you and your friend knew that we were married," Dorothea said. "I told her that Marianne is your special friend." Dorothea smiled and winked.

Hilda blushed and cleared her throat. "Right. Um. Anyway, we just wanted to get ice cream."

Marianne didn't say anything in response, but Hilda saw the way she skipped a bit up to the counter. She must've thought it was funny for Hilda to get so flustered over her. Hilda followed her up. She'd get back at Marianne eventually. For now, she wanted two scoops of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

They sat outside on the bench right outside the shop. Hilda was trying to not make eye contact as Marianne watched her struggle to lap up the already melting drips down the side of the cone.

"Special friend, huh?" Marianne asked.

"That is not how I phrased it to her when I told her what you were, okay?" Hilda assured her quickly. She nearly knocked her ice cream out of her hand because she looked up so quickly. "Sorry if that made you uncomfortable. I know we're not in a relationship. I promise I'm not telling people we are."

Marianne smiled. She was definitely enjoying Hilda's ruffled feathers. "Well, I suppose we are special friends in some sense. We're close and you're very special to me."

Hilda's face started to heat up. She nearly crushed the cone in her hand out of the pure, overwhelming, horny energy that washed over her. Marianne would kill her one of these days, she just knew it.

"C-Can we take a photo?" Hilda asked sheepishly as she fished her phone out of her pocket.

Marianne looked confused. "Why?"

Hilda searched her bag for a moment before pulling out the old photo of her and Marianne. She handed it over to Marianne with a small smile. "Um... I want to... recreate this. I don't know if you remember why this photo is special..."

Marianne gazed at the photo for a long moment. "I remember." Marianne looked up at Hilda with a soft look. "Our first kiss. You're so unfair."

"W-We don't have to kiss," Hilda blurted out. "I just... thought it might be fun to relive some of these memories... aha."

"I don't mind," Marianne responded softly.

Hilda nodded and the two scooted closer together on the bench. Hilda snapped the photo. She looked down at it with a smile. One down.

"I have to burn this now," Marianne said holding up the old photo. "I don't want any evidence that I ever existed at this age. Look at my eyebags."

"Oh, no you don't," Hilda said snatching the photo from her. "This is mine. I will look at my cute, little Marianne photos all I want."

Marianne sighed and shook her head. "How you ever found me attractive, I will never know."

Hilda shrugged. "You were adorable then and you still are now."

Marianne turned away but her pink ears gave away the fact that Hilda had made her blush. Hilda couldn't help but smile. She'd gotten her revenge sooner than she had thought she would.

It didn't take long for Hilda to start filling her wall with the new photos of her and Marianne. If the photos matched old ones, she'd put them together. But she had plenty from the new memories they were making too. Marianne trying sushi for the first time, wandering the trails of a nearby reserve, going to bingo night at a local community center, and plenty of other things. Looking at the photos, Hilda felt warm. Home was only a photo away.

It was closer than she ever could've imagined. Marianne was finally letting down her walls once again, though she was still a little sharp on too much physical affection. She hadn't let Hilda _kiss her_ kiss her yet, but cuddling and holding hands seemed fully on the table. She was talking more freely and openly about things that she used to. Their conversations weren't stilted anymore. Sometimes Marianne carried the whole thing while Hilda just listened. They were spending more nights together too, though Hilda was still stuck sleeping on Marianne's couch or vice versa. Still, it was progress. Any progress she could take was good progress.

She looked at the photos on the wall. There were only a handful left for her to recreate. One was prom, which was off the table. Those dresses, in retrospect, were not a good look for either of them and Hilda didn't want to try and figure out a reason for them to dress up like that. A couple of them were taken at theme parks that would've been hard to recreate as well. But one...

Her family's lake house. This one was past high school. The summer after Marianne's first year of college. Hilda had invited her up to her lake house on vacation with her family. The photo was them standing on the sand in their bathing suits. Marianne looked tired still, but she seemed a little more optimistic than she had in high school. Hilda remembered it was near the end of the summer. That trip was the first time that she'd had sex with Marianne. She wasn't sure what had exactly led to them having sex or why it was that trip as they had had plenty of other opportunities before to have sex. Still, that was it. Hilda just didn't know if recreating that particular photo would be pushing it too far. She would hold that one in her back pocket for now.


	6. Favourite Colour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Favourite Colour - Carly Rare Jepsen

Hilda was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. She was hungry, tired, and, to top it all off, incredibly horny. Being an adult sucked. She didn't have time for anything, she made very little money—which wasn't particularly a problem but it still sucked—Marianne had been busy recently, and she was lonely all the time despite always being around people. She rubbed her cheeks, sore from smiling all day. She had never thought working at an ice cream shop would be so taxing. It had only been a handful of months since she'd moved and started her new life, but she was already so tired. She knew if she told anyone how much she was struggling, they would laugh at her and tell her that she was finally living in the real world. She pressed the heels her palms into her eyes to try and keep the tears in.

She wasn't particularly sad about any one thing and she knew that it was the compounding emotional and physical stress causing her to cry. Still, it sucked. She had always been an ugly crier when she was feeling like this and that wasn't the mood to wanted. She held in a sob and tried to focus on something else.

Her phone rang, making her jump. It took her a moment to fumble it out of her pocket; when things sucked it seemed the universe was deadset on making them worse. She took a deep breath before answering with a shaky, "Hello."

"Hi, Hilda," Marianne said from the other side. It sounded like she was in the car. "You okay?"

"Yeah! Yeah... I'm fine," Hilda said halfheartedly. She knew Marianne wouldn't taunt her for being tired but some part of her didn't want to let Marianne worry about her. "Totally fine. No worries here."

"Well, I know you're lying, but I'll take your word for it if that's what you want me to do." Marianne paused for a moment and then continued when Hilda didn't offer anything up, "Are you free tonight?"

Hilda sighed. "Um, I'm pretty booked up with wallowing in my own misery and eating shitty ramen tonight. Might be hard to pencil you in."

Marianne gave her a half-concerned chuckle, the kind that people do when someone said something awkward that they didn't know how to respond to, in response. She was silent for another beat before saying, "Do you want to go out?"

Hilda couldn't think of anything she'd rather do less. Going out meant she'd have to get ready. She didn't have the energy to pick an outfit and fix her hair. "Where?"

"Oh my..." Marianne said with an exaggerated, shocked gasp. "You must be tired if you asked me where."

"I am... I do want to hang out with you. But going out just sounds like a lot of work."

"Does it change your mind if I tell you it'll be lowkey? You only have to look mildly presentable. Like you wanted to go to the bank on your day off."

Hilda groaned softly. "I guess I can go for that..."

"I'll pick you up in thirty minutes then!"

"Okay." Hilda really had to get better at saying no to Marianne. Then again, this would be the first time they'd spent any time together in a week or so. She supposed she should be grateful for the opportunity.

Hilda laid in bed for another ten minutes before finally finding the will to stand up. She shuffled to her closet and pulled out a button-up shirt and high-waisted jeans that had somewhat large rips in the knees. Hilda hoped this was good enough because she wasn't going to change again once it was on. She put as minimal effort as she could into doing her makeup and then pulled her hair up. She checked herself out in the mirror.

"Hilda, you've still got it, girl," she mumbled as she slapped her ass. Not as energetic as her usual daily assurances but she still thought she looked pretty good for getting ready in fifteen minutes.

No sooner had she finished getting ready, she heard Marianne knock on her front door. She grabbed her bag from the couch and rushed to open the door up. Marianne was leaned against the doorframe with a broad smile. Hilda took her in. She was wearing a simple skirt with a shirt tucked into it. Very modest. Very Marianne. She looked incredible as always. Hilda felt some of her irritation at going out slough right off of her. 

Marianne raised her eyebrows as she watched Hilda struggle to slip on her chunky boots. "You look nice," she said quietly.

Hilda let out a small breath of air in exasperation. Marianne's current view of her was bent over with her entire ass facing her. Although, to be frank, Hilda didn't mind if Marianne was looking.

"So where are we going?" Hilda asked as they walked out into the hallway. She locked up her door and followed Marianne to the stairwell. 

"I've got this work thing to go to," Marianne responded as the two started to descend the stairs. "Free food _and_ I get a plus one. It'll be better than shitty ramen."

"Your plus one, huh?" Hilda taunted. Being with Marianne had succeeded in revitalizing some of her energy. She skipped a few steps ahead of Marianne and looked up at her with a cocky expression. "What? Am I your girlfriend?"

Marianne blushed and looked away. "If you want to be," she mumbled.

Hilda gripped the railing hard in her attempt to not fall down the stairs in shock. She blinked several times as she tried to understand. She was sure she'd heard that wrong. "What?"

"Well, I... um..." Marianne said, trying to stumble through what she wanted to say. "I've been thinking for a while that, uh, we've been spending so much time together and-and, you know, going on dates and things... We cuddle and hold hands... Um, we could be... girlfriends." She held up her hands and quickly added, "If you wanted."

Hilda could only imagine how dumbfounded she looked. "Well, yeah, I want to. If that's okay."

Marianne nodded. "It's, uh, settled then. You're my girlfriend now." She continued down the stairwell past Hilda, gently grabbing her hand as she passed. Hilda was dragged after her; but, it wasn't like she could've moved on her own at that point.

Hilda sunk in her seat in the car, putting her knees up on the dash. She looked over at Marianne with a dazed expression. That was her girlfriend now. Her girlfriend was driving her to a work function where they would go in and be girlfriends. Her mind kept replaying the scene that had just happened. Girlfriends. 

"What?" Marianne asked glancing over at her. "You're staring."

"I'm just thinking about how beautiful my _girlfriend_ is," Hilda said completely seriously. She saw Marianne's cheeks flush and felt a wave of warmth wash over her. She turned a bit to look at the road. "I'm going to say something really horny, but it doesn't mean anything, okay?"

"Okay?"

"I miss having sex with you."

Marianne laughed. Her blush was even brighter than before. "I guess that's horny but much tamer than I thought you were going to go."

"What did you think I was going to say?"

"I don't know," Marianne said awkwardly. "Something about how my tongue feels so good on you." Her grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Or something."

Hilda chuckled. "That's just an undeniable truth. But I've been so horny lately. That's TMI but I feel like we can talk about it without it being weird, right? I guess we're dating now so..."

"If you want, Hilda. Just remember we are heading to a work function. So nothing too saucy, okay?"

"Eh, I don't have anything saucy," Hilda admitted. "I won't even get into what I'd love for you to do to me right now. I've just been masturbating a lot. I haven't had sex since the last time with you so I'm a bit pent up."

"That's not true," Marianne gasped, glancing over at Hilda with a wide-eyed look.

"No, it is! Promise on my life."

"Why?" Marianne blurted out. "I mean—I guess this is, like, the opposite of slut-shaming or something—but what I meant was that you just like to have sex. So it seems odd you've gone, what? Like four months?"

Hilda shrugged. "Yeah, it would be really nice to have sex, but I've been trying to curb some bad habits. Sex with strangers, smoking weed, alcohol... The works and stuff. Weed and alcohol have been a bit tough. I try to only smoke with you and not drink at all. Sex... well, masturbating does at least curb some of it. It's not an awesome substitute, but I'm surviving."

"I'm proud of you, Hilda." Marianne murmured. "Seriously."

Hilda let the praise wash over her. "Well, if you knew how much orange-vanilla Coke I was drinking, you wouldn't be as proud."

"Oh my God, Hilda," Marianne said with a laugh. "You always know how to ruin a moment."

Hilda gazed at Marianne. At her beautiful girlfriend. She would never get tired of hearing her laugh. 

When they arrived at the restaurant, Marianne found her coworkers fairly quickly. She hugged them and kindly introduced them all to Hilda who smiled pleasantly trying to pretend to only be Marianne's arm candy. Of course, it wasn't necessarily in Hilda's nature to be nothing but arm candy. Hilda was good at entertaining, a skill drilled into her since she could talk. Her mother had made sure she knew how to be a charming debutante at a party and how to slyly flirt to encourage friendships and, more importantly, business partnerships. It was just part of who she was; and, in a group of people, she couldn't help herself from being the center of attention. Her good looks only made her all the more alluring and Hilda could tell it was making Marianne a bit antsy.

Hilda wasn't exactly sure the breakdown of it all, but Marianne had mentioned that several of her coworkers fell somewhere on the women-loving-women side of things. She could feel the eyes on her, but she was used to it. Marianne, on the other hand, was not. They had split off from each other as Marianne excused herself to the bathroom. Hilda was quickly surrounded by the women at the table. She didn't spot Marianne again until a few minutes later, sitting on the other end of the table. She was staring at the group Hilda was currently entertaining. She looked a little dejected, even a little irritated. When she saw Hilda looking at her, she looked away.

Hilda patted her pocket as if she'd just received a text message and pulled out her phone. "Oh, sorry, ladies," she said apologetically. "It looks like I have to get going. My boss just texted me that I have to go in early tomorrow morning. But it was a pleasure meeting you all. I hope we get to talk again soon." She quickly grabbed her things and made her way over to Marianne.

Marianne looked a little surprised to see Hilda approach her. She had been doing something on her phone when Hilda walked up behind her and looped her arms around her neck. "What's up?" Marianne asked. Hilda was holding her a little too tightly for her to move to look at her.

"Let's go," Hilda whispered into Marianne's ear, nipping softly at her earlobe. She was playing it up more of the onlookers than to stir up Marianne, but she succeeded at both.

It was dark in Marianne's car when they climbed back into it, the only light coming in from the streetlight situated a few spots down. They had parked near the back of the parking lot because Marianne didn't want to be parked next to anyone. It was quiet in the car and Marianne sunk down in her seat, staring out the windshield. Neither of them moved or said anything. Suddenly, Marianne banged her forehead against the steering wheel causing Hilda to jump in surprise. Marianne groaned.

"You good?" Hilda asked with a raised eyebrow. She was curled up on her seat waiting to see Marianne's next move.

"I don't get jealous but, God, that was hard to watch." Marianne looked up at Hilda with sad eyes. "I didn't know you were so good at that. I mean, I guess I did know. You charm everyone you meet. I mean, you were super popular in high school. Ugh, I don't know." She hit her head against the steering wheel again and grabbed at her hair.

Hilda reached over and lightly rubbed Marianne's back. "Hey, it's okay," she said softly. 

"It's not. I ruined the whole thing and we left early because you noticed me moping."

Hilda chuckled. "Well, you're always kinda mopey so that's no different." She moved so she was leaning over the console a bit more. She grabbed Marianne's chin and forced her to look up at her. "And you asked me to come. So if you were ready to leave, then I was ready to leave."

Marianne groaned again. "I just feel stupid for being jealous. And you looked like you were having a good time."

Hilda had been enjoying the attention but still. She forced Marianne to sit back in her seat and, very ungracefully, climbed into Marianne's lap. She looped her arms around Marianne's neck and kissed her lightly on the cheek, only allowing herself their normal two seconds. She whispered into Marianne's ear, "You know I'm just a whore for attention. Besides, I am _your_ girlfriend." Her hand slipped to around Marianne's neck and she felt Marianne swallow.

"My girlfriend," Marianne repeated slowly.

Her breathing had picked up and Hilda could feel it hot on her neck. Time seemed to slow as the seconds between them dragged on. Hilda was suddenly very aware of where she was and she could tell Marianne was thinking the same. It felt like hours as the two sat in tense silence, Hilda unsure if she should move and Marianne breathing heavily on her skin, her mouth millimeters away from branding her with a kiss. Then, it broke. Marianne dragged Hilda into a rather rough kiss.

Hilda didn't know how, but the two ended up in Marianne's back seat. Her mind was devoid of any rational thought as Marianne flooded all of her senses. She had never felt so overwhelmed by Marianne before. All she could feel was Marianne everywhere. Her body was aching for her and she was practically shaking with anticipation.

Marianne had her pinned down to the bench and was kissing her incessantly like she was trying to make up for all the time they had lost. It was everything Hilda could do just to keep up. She let Marianne untuck and unbutton her shirt and Marianne threw it open like she was mad Hilda was wearing a top at all. Suddenly, Hilda was groaning and squirming as Marianne started to kiss and bite down her chest. One of her hands was keeping Hilda's arms pinned above her head while the other teased her over her bra. Hilda wasn't exactly complaining about the situation, although she would've preferred their first time having sex since their fight to not be in the back of Marianne's car in the parking lot of a Big Boy. Plus, Marianne was being weird.

Being rough wasn't uncommon for Marianne. Hilda liked to see Marianne be both dominant and submissive depending on the mood, though Hilda was usually the one dictating the play. But this was different. This was too desperate and Marianne was being sloppy. Hilda could forgive Marianne's nails digging into her wrist and that Marianne was biting her too hard—that could be put down to Marianne being out of practice and being in the heat of the moment—but she couldn't let go of the fact that Marianne was holding her wrist at such an awkward angle it was making her arm go numb and that her knee was jammed into Hilda's crotch in a horribly uncomfortable way. She was trying way too hard and was trying to jump through the foreplay quickly. It clicked.

"Mari, it's... okay," Hilda murmured. She could barely get the words out between her moans. Despite the uncomfortable position, Marianne was still really good at teasing her. "I promise... I'm-I'm yours... You can... ah, s-stop now."

Marianne's grip on Hilda's hands loosened and Hilda felt a drip of water on her chest. Marianne was crying. She let out a choked sob and quickly brought her hands up to her face to wipe her tears. Hilda sat up and shook out her arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Marianne whispered.

"You're okay. I was enjoying myself at least," Hilda said with a laugh. Her arms were still tingling a bit, but she'd live. "You worked me right up. But we don't have to have sex. I appreciate the enthusiasm though."

Marianne slumped down in the seat, curling herself into a ball and staring out the window. Hilda buttoned up her shirt once again, taking her time to give Marianne a moment of peace. When she finished, she fluffed her hair out and scooted over to Marianne. She pecked Marianne on the cheek. Marianne sighed heavily.

"Hey, it's okay. I get it," Hilda assured her again. "Jealousy is a weird and fucked up emotion. Makes your head stupid." Marianne didn't say anything. Hilda poked her gently in the shoulder. "Hey, can you say something? I need to know you're alright."

"I'm sorry," Marianne mumbled. She was still looking out the window, though she gripped Hilda's hand tightly when Hilda laced their fingers together. "I just... You seemed like you were having such a good time with all the attention. I thought that you... would want to sleep with one of them because we aren't having sex... I don't know."

"Listen, I love having sex," Hilda said with a giggle as she wrapped Marianne's arm around her and nestled into her side. Her tone was much gentler as she continued, "But I'm waiting for you to be ready. You don't need to force yourself to sleep with me before then. I'm not going to seek it somewhere else either. I haven't yet so I don't plan to start now. Shop's closed unless it's for you." Hilda patted her crotch. "This is the Marianne Only Bone Zone."

Marianne couldn't help her small smile. "You're a clown."

"Oh, I'm the clown? Not tonight, sweetheart." Hilda planted several kisses along Marianne's jaw before pinching the tip of Marianne's nose. "Honk, honk." That got a small chuckle out of Marianne. "Okay, but serious answers only. You're not really the jealous type. What's up?"

Marianne sighed. "We've never been together before so I don't know... I thought that we should have sex because earlier it sounded like you really wanted to. And since we're, like, together and all... I don't know. I got scared that if I didn't you might... move on."

"Hardly, Mari," Hilda scolded gently. "I promise you my feelings aren't going to change that easily. I can only give you my word and you can choose to believe me or not. I know I'm still rebuilding that trust with you. Just know that the pounding in my chest, it's for you. It's only for you."

Marianne laughed loudly, nearly doubling over. Hilda's face heated up in embarrassment. Was what she said really that funny? She was speaking from the heart. All she could do was wait in agony to hear what Marianne had to say.

"Hilda," Marianne said once she'd finally calmed down enough to speak, "you can't say the Marianne Only Bone Zone and then say one of the most romantic things I've ever heard two sentences later."

A wave of relief washed over Hilda. "God, I thought I'd said something really stupid."

Marianne was still giggling. "No, no. You're just... so funny." She looked over at Hilda and pulled her into a light kiss. "I love you."

Hilda felt a shock go through her. That was the first time Marianne had said it first since their fight. Hilda's breath caught and she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. Marianne was looking at her so tenderly that Hilda's voice was barely audible as she whispered back, "I love you too."

Marianne pulled Hilda back into her lap and kissed her. They were back on track now. Marianne was kissing her because she wanted to; Hilda knew that much. She could feel it in the way Marianne's lips pulled gently into a smile every so often and the way she was using too much tongue like she always did when she was nervous. Hilda undid the top few buttons of her shirt to reveal the top of her chest to Marianne once again. This time Marianne regarded her like a goddess. Her lips caressed Hilda's collar bone, over the hollow of her throat, and continued upward. She sucked gently where Hilda's throat met her chin, following quickly with a pass of her tongue. Hilda gripped Marianne's shoulders tightly as a shiver ran through her. She was in heaven.

Just as Marianne was about to make her way down Hilda's chest, Hilda jerked up for a different reason. "Oh, shit... I do have to actually get home. I wasn't lying when I said that Dorothea asked me to come in early tomorrow."

"Oh, sorry." Marianne could barely hide the disappointment in her voice. Hilda gave her a gentle pat on the head. "I'll get you home."

Hilda was wiping down the counter of the ice cream shop humming softly to herself. She knew Dorothea was watching her intently over her cup of coffee as she leaned over the counter from the other side. Hilda hardly cared. She was still walking on cloud nine from her night with Marianne.

After they had driven back to Hilda's apartment, Marianne had stayed the night. For the first time in a long time, they shared a bed. They didn't kiss any more besides shy pecks here and there, but Hilda was okay with that. She was happier to have Marianne spoon her all night than to have sex with her. That was something she never thought she'd say, but there she was. Happier to be in Marianne's arms than anywhere else. 

"You have a good night?" Dorothea said finally.

Hilda glanced up at her. "What gives you that idea?"

"Oh, I don't know," Dorothea said casually. "Maybe the humming or the skipping. But probably the dark hickey on your neck." Dorothea touched her own neck to give Hilda an indication of where the hickey was and raised her eyebrows.

Hilda blushed and pulled the collar of her shirt up. She hadn't realized Marianne had gotten her so far up; she had left the house in a rush that morning so she didn't have time to check. She had been so happy about Marianne sleeping with her that she'd hardly been able to sleep and thus overslept.

"Sorry about that," Hilda mumbled, now self-conscious of the spot.

"I don't care what you do in your free time obviously. But do try to keep any hickeys hidden. This is an ice cream shop, not a sex toy store. We are family-friendly."

Hilda snorted out a laugh. "You know some people would say that a store being run by two homosexuals would make it less family-friendly. I can't believe you're feeding gay ice cream to the youth."

Dorothea shook her head and shrugged. "The Gay Agenda must be pushed in some way." She gave Hilda a small smile and reached over the counter to poke her arm. "Seriously though. Careful next time." Hilda could tell she wasn't mad but she was being dead serious.

"I'll cover it up on my break," Hilda said with a nod. "When I left this morning, my collar was over it so I didn't notice."

Dorothea didn't look convinced but dropped it. Instead, she said, "I assume that means things are going well with Marianne."

Hilda nodded excitedly. "Better than expected." She was trying to be cool; but, now that someone had prompted her about Marianne, she couldn't help herself. "She called me her girlfriend last night. We're girlfriends now. And she kissed me on the mouth, Dorothea! And we slept in the same bed. We didn't, like, sleep together, but she held me all night. God, I love her so much."

"Ohh, slept in the same bed, huh? That's a big step," Dorothea said only half-interested in their conversation. "Just don't drop your guard too soon. Girls are fickle creatures."

Hilda grunted softly. "You act like you have worldly lesbian experience. We're like... the same age, dude."

"I used to make some rounds like you before I met Petra," Dorothea said waving her hand. She smirked. "And I did study abroad."

"Did you meet Petra studying abroad?"

"No, I did study abroad to chase her down. She came here for a year of college then she went back home. I had, unfortunately, fallen for her very hard. So I went where she was."

Hilda leaned in closer to Dorothea and said quietly, "And I thought I was stupid for chasing Marianne. At least I didn't go to another country for some pussy."

Dorothea let out a hearty laugh. It was loud enough that Petra poked her head out of the back to check on her. Dorothea shooed her away quickly, cooing something softly to her. Petra left with a blush on her cheeks and Hilda wondered what Dorothea possibly could've said.

"Yeah, that's one way to put it," Dorothea continued. "I don't know... Well, you probably understand it better than anyone. When you find that person that you want to spend your life with, nothing can change your mind." Dorothea leaned in close to Hilda. "And between you and me, the sex was awful. I was just that madly in love with everything else about her."

Hilda smiled. "Dedication. I like it."

"But you never heard that," Dorothea said before taking a sip of her coffee.

Hilda zipped her lips and threw away the key. "I don't know anything about it."

Dorothea laid her hand on Hilda's arm. Her face softened. "I hope everything works out with Marianne. Marrying Petra was one of the scariest and most exciting things I've ever done. I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without her in it. I hope you two get there."

"Thanks, Dorothea. It means a lot. Oh, by the way, I'm going to need some time off."

"Oh, my—" Dorothea threw her hands up and walked away.

"I'm glad you wanted to come," Hilda said as she glanced over at Marianne from the driver's side seat. 

They were on their way to Hilda's family's lake house. Hilda had elected to drive because, after getting her license a week prior, her parents had treated her to a new car—this was because they had gotten Holst a car when he got his license and Hilda complained about favoritism. The car was bigger than Marianne's and could fit their luggage much better. Plus, Hilda's parents felt better sending the two in a, to put it nicely, more reliable car. It was a bit of a long drive, but Hilda was still feeling pretty good about it. They had started about half an hour ago.

Marianne was gripping the side door as if her life depended on it. "Yeah. It'll be fun." She had yet to unclench since they had started driving.

Hilda glanced over at her. "My driving isn't that bad, is it?"

"Just keep your eyes on the road, Hilda."

They arrived at the lake house. They hadn't talked much on the way there because every time Hilda said anything Marianne would tense up. To keep her calm, Hilda was on her best driving behavior; she didn't even think she was that bad. The house was little more than a small cabin on the side of a lake. It only had a small stretch of upkept property that ended abruptly in forest on either side. A stone path that desperately needed to be weeded led up to the front of it.

They entered the house, the door creaking as it opened. It had been a while since anyone had visited so the inside was a bit dusty. Otherwise, it was clean and homey. Hilda did a bit of tidying up while Marianne moved all of their things upstairs.

They went down to the beach first. They hadn't bothered changing into swimsuits as they would have to go into town later to get food. Marianne waded out into the water, wincing as she went. Hilda watched her from the towel she'd set up on the beach, her head tilted to the side.

"It's cold," Marianne called. "Really, really cold."

Hilda laughed. "Well, get back here. You'll freeze your little toes off!"

Marianne waded back to the beach and laid on the towel next to Hilda. Hilda pulled Marianne into her lap and smiled down at her. They spent a good chunk of the afternoon in that position, basking in the sun and enjoying each other's company. Hilda made sure to snap a new photo of them on the beach for her wall.

Hilda let Marianne drive them to the store since Marianne seemed much more comfortable that way. Hilda felt like they were teens again and Marianne had just gotten her license. They had the windows down and were playing music much too loud. Hilda couldn't have imagined she would be so happy in just a few months. It was almost unreal.

After dinner, the two sat on a blanket by the firepit. Neither was particularly experienced in starting a fire so it took them a while—and two fire starter kits—to get it going. Once the fire was going, Hilda made them s'mores. Marianne said Hilda did them the best so she let Hilda cook all of hers. Normally, Hilda would have complained, but it felt nice to be relied on for something. Especially since Marianne had cooked dinner. The least she could do was dessert.

Hilda was watching Marianne take much too large a bite out of her s'more and watched the marshmallow ooze out and down her fingers. Her heart fluttered in her chest, a feeling she got often when looking at Marianne nowadays that seemed in no particular hurry to end.

"Beautiful," Hilda murmured. "The moon, I mean," she added quickly when Marianne glanced over at her. 

Marianne smiled and scooted closer to her. "It's a little chilly."

"Yeah..."

Marianne smiled at her, her lips covered in chocolate and marshmallow. "Kiss me," she mumbled through her full mouth.

Hilda laughed and kissed her. She tasted amazingly sweet and not entirely because of the s'more. Marianne giggled through the whole thing and finally pulled away to finish her treat. When she did, she pulled Hilda into another kiss.

Hilda pressed against Marianne slightly, pushing her back against the ground. She climbed on top of her as she started to kiss her harder. She could still taste all of the sugar in Marianne's mouth. It was making her head spin. Without thinking, she wiggled her hand underneath Marianne's shirt and slid up her body to her breast. Marianne broke the kiss.

"Hilda, wait—" Marianne whispered but her voice broke before she could get very far.

Hilda was jolted back into reality. She pulled her hand away quickly as if she'd been burned and sat up. "Sorry. That was stupid."

Marianne sat up with her. She looked pensive. "No, you're fine... I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be. I got caught up in the moment and I didn't mean to push anything."

"It's not... like that."

They sat in silence for a long minute before Hilda said, "Did I fuck up that badly? Be honest."

Marianne was quiet and Hilda wasn't sure she was going to get an answer to her question. "I don't know," she finally said. "I do want to have sex again... There's just this doubt in the back of my mind that keeps eating away at me. I'll try to explain it but I don't know if it'll make any sense."

Hilda rested her head against Marianne's shoulder and laced their fingers together. "I'm listening."

"Well, you've been trying so hard to win me back over and I'm honored that you care so much about me. Everything's been going so well and I'm so happy here. The thing is I've never been in a serious relationship and the idea of it is terrifying. I've always been a side character in your story so suddenly being the main love interest is like... really, really scary. It's all so confusing because I still feel like you could get bored chasing me and leave me again if I don't give you everything. On the other hand, I'm afraid if I do you'll feel like you've won me over and get bored of us being so happy. I don't want to lose you again... I don't know what to do."

Hilda nuzzled her face into Marianne's neck and gave her a soft kiss. "Mari, I'm not going to leave you again. I'll never get tired of chasing you. I'll chase you forever. In this life, the next one, and any after that. If you think I'll give you up so easily, you're sadly mistaken."

Marianne wrapped her arms around Hilda's head and encouraged her to continue kissing her neck. Hilda pushed her back against the ground again and kissed her neck, up her jaw, and ending at her ear. Marianne was breathing heavily, quiet moans just barely escaping her lips.

"It's okay to be scared," Hilda murmured. "I'm scared too." She put her shaking hand up to Marianne's cheek. "I've never been in a serious relationship either—like a long-term one at least. And I've never had anybody mean anything to me like you do. That's terrifying in its own right. I'm afraid of losing you too. But I'm willing to give everything to you. And I'll wait for you to give everything to me too."

"H-How can I know you're serious?"

Hilda sat up abruptly and gave Marianne a sheepish look. "Um... Well, actually... about that..." She jumped to her feet. "Wait here. One second."

Marianne looked absolutely bewildered but Hilda sprinted into the house without explaining further. She quickly searched through her luggage until she found the small, brown box she had stashed in there and pocketed it. She dashed back out to Marianne and fell to her knees.

"I didn't have it on me because I didn't think it would come up. Um... so like... Marianne..." Hilda pulled the box out of her pocket and showed it to Marianne.

Marianne's hands covered her mouth in shock and her eyes went wide. "Hilda..."

"I wasn't going to pull this out now. I only brought it along just in case. I really wasn't planning this so I don't have, like, a whole speech prepared or anything. Um, I just want to say that, Marianne, being with you makes me feel some kinda way that I've never felt before. You've always seen me for who I am and I want you to keep doing that forever." Hilda opened up the box. Inside was a small ring with a small gem sitting in its center. "It's not flashy and it's on the cheaper side since I know you never wanted anything big or fancy. You always complained about how you thought engagement rings were silly. But, um... I hope that you'll accept this. So, uh, Marianne, will you marry me? Asterisk, sometime in the future. We can be engaged for as long as you want. This was just like—"

"Hilda, shut up!" Marianne said through her tears. Hilda startled but quickly shut up. She could tell Marianne was trying her best to hold it together and failing miserably. "God, let me answer, you big dummy." She gave Hilda the best smile she could muster through her river of tears. "I'll marry you." She practically threw herself at Hilda, knocking her back against the ground. 

Hilda laughed but it quickly turned into breathy moans as Marianne began to kiss her and touch her body in ways that she hadn't in months. Marianne was shaking. With happiness or fear or both, Hilda wasn't sure. She was shaking too, but hers was from the pure adrenaline that was coursing through her body. She hadn't prepared to propose any time soon. She'd only bought the ring on a whim because it was perfect. She wasn't sure her heart was ever going to stop pounding.

"M-Meet me in the bedroom in fifteen minutes," Marianne whispered. "You know which one." Hilda's body went rigid as Marianne sat up. She held out her hand. "And if you would please..."

"Oh, right!" Hilda slipped the ring onto her finger.

She watched as Marianne stood up and walked briskly into the house. Hilda checked the time and made a note of when fifteen minutes would be. She took a minute to catch her breath before cleaning up the s'mores and putting out the fire. After cleaning everything up, she still had five minutes left. She couldn't hear anything from upstairs and that only served to spike her anxiety.

Fifteen minutes was up and Hilda made her way upstairs. The first bedroom on the left. The bedroom that she and Marianne had had sex in for the very first time. She opened the door slowly. Marianne was sitting on the edge of the bed. She was in her pajamas and had let her hair down. She looked up at Hilda with an almost innocent expression as Hilda entered the room. Hilda saw her swallow. 

"W-We had our first time on this bed..." Marianne murmured as Hilda approached her. "Do you remember how it happened?"

"Unfortunately, I'm a little fuzzy on the details. I can't remember what led up to it."

Marianne patted the edge of the bed and Hilda sat beside her. "It was a night kinda like this. We were up here alone. We decided to stay an extra day after your family left. I don't think you thought we were going to have sex. Otherwise, you would've been a lot more awkward when your family asked if we would be okay. You aren't a very good liar sometimes and you were very casual.

"We came up to bed just like normal. You climbed in with me and we made out. That wasn't unusual either. I wrapped my arms around you and pulled you on top of me as we made out. Our tops were off next and you were kissing down my chest. Even this step wasn't uncharted territory for us. Then you felt me over my pants and something just clicked. I couldn't tell you why, but I wanted you to touch me, actually touch me, in that moment. So I said, 'Hilda, can we have sex?' And the starry, dazed look in your eyes was one I'll never forget."

Hilda laughed. "Okay, I do remember when you asked that and my brain nearly shut down. I also vaguely remember it being incredibly awkward because you're too long. I couldn't get my positioning right. It took us a while to get that down."

Marianne leaned against Hilda. "I think we tried just about everything we could that night too. We were stupid, weren't we?"

"Very. We still are. Well, me, at the very least."

"You definitely are stupid," Marianne murmured. She kissed the side of Hilda's head. "Um, I think I want to have sex... I mean, I know I do. I think I'm ready."

"We'll go as far as you want," Hilda whispered back. "We can go at your pace."

Marianne leaned in close to Hilda and kissed her softly. Hilda let out a small, involuntary whimper as she was pushed back against the bed and Marianne climbed on top of her. Her hands roamed over Marianne's body and Marianne made a soft noise against Hilda's lips. Marianne was warm and soft just as she had always been. Hilda was starting to feel drunk already. They kissed for a long time, letting their hands get reacquainted with each other.

Hilda pulled away first. "C-Can I... take your shirt off?"

Marianne nodded slowly and sat up. She pulled her shirt off in one fluid motion. Hilda was hit with a power move she was not expecting as Marianne was not wearing a bra. She breath caught as she gazed at Marianne's body for the first time in what felt like forever. Her head was spinning and she was pretty sure that she could hear angels singing. It felt like their first time all over again. Not like any time after that... No, this was like the first time. When there was love and wonder. Sex wasn't a means to an end for either of them. There was something vulnerable and magical here. Hilda bit her lip.

Her hands slowly ran up Marianne's body to come to rest on her breasts. They were soft and familiar and wonderful. Marianne's stomach was still as soft and round as ever and Hilda had missed it. There was still no muscle on her arms either. Nothing had changed about her and yet Hilda felt like she was seeing Marianne completely differently. Marianne leaned over her again and started to kiss her neck. Hilda ran her hands up and down Marianne's back, digging her nails in softly. Marianne had already worked her breathing into a soft pant and she couldn't stop herself from whispering Marianne's name over and over again.

Hilda's shirt and bra came off next. Hilda allowed Marianne to take her in just as she had. She could see several emotions pass across Marianne's face before she finally smiled and dipped her head down to kiss Hilda's breasts. She only gave Hilda the briefest of teases before her kisses continued down to Hilda's stomach. She paused when she got there and looked up at Hilda with a confused expression.

"Wh-What?" Hilda could barely say. 

"Have you been working out?" Marianne asked. "I don't remember these." She ran her fingertips lightly over Hilda's abs making her tense.

"Listen, I had to find something to do in my free time if I wasn't drinking, smoking, or fucking. I've been working out a lot."

Marianne laughed and the light in her eyes almost made Hilda pass out. "Well, I'm not complaining. I was just surprised at how... nice they are." She shrugged a bit and dipped her head down to kiss over Hilda's stomach.

Hilda squirmed beneath her as Marianne kissed back up her body and focused on her breasts again. She was being gentle, only giving Hilda the faintest of touches to tease her and tease her. Hilda was gripping the bedsheets so hard she thought she might tear them. Her body strained upward to try and find anything to give her relief but Marianne was keeping her thigh just out of reach. Did Marianne have to tease her so much? She was practically bursting. Marianne's thigh finally moved into a position for Hilda to grind on and she took full advantage of it.

"Marianne, please," Hilda moaned. "I can't take all the teasing."

Marianne's thigh moved away again and Hilda could feel the smile on her lips as she continued to gently flick and swirl her tongue over Hilda's nipple. 

"God, Marianne," Hilda gasped. "Fuck." Her hips ground forward but she only found empty air once again. She knew Marianne was having a ball teasing her and maybe Hilda didn't deserve to cum so soon. 

Hilda's pants came off next, though Marianne didn't seem interested in removing her underwear. She felt Marianne's slender fingers ghost over the fabric just above her clit. Hilda moaned and strained forward again, her legs tensing with effort. Her breathing had been reduced to hot, heavy pants as Marianne continued to tease her with the lightest kisses and touches to her most sensitive areas.

Hilda choked out another moan. "Mari... You're so mean..."

Marianne laid down beside her. "Am I?"

Hilda frowned at her. Although, Marianne had stopped touching her which was better than the constant teasing with no relief. "You know I haven't had sex in a while and yet you're going to tease me until I die?"

Marianne nuzzled her face into Hilda's neck. "I thought you might like it." Her hand floated back down to Hilda's breast where she played with her nipple with much more intent. "I can go a bit faster."

Hilda let out a long breath. "I brought a strap," she murmured awkwardly.

Marianne bolted upright. "You did?"

"I thought maybe it would happen so I came prepared," Hilda said with a laugh. 

"Well, hold on. Let me get you off once." 

Before Hilda could say anything, Marianne was back to sucking her nipple while her hand slipped beneath Hilda's panties. It only took a moment before Hilda was shaking beneath her, her orgasm dragged out of her easily. Apparently, Marianne had not lost her edge on how to make Hilda's body bend to her will without even trying.

Once Marianne was satisfied that Hilda had finished, she jumped off of the bed and started rooting through Hilda's suitcase until she found the strap. She undressed fully and pulled on the harness adjusting the straps until they were tight against her. She ran a hand down the length of the dildo, testing that it was on securely.

"Do you think we'll need lube?" Marianne asked as she continued to rub her hand up and down the dildo.

Hilda's entire body was on fire. She was practically dripping just watching Marianne and the fact that she'd already cum once only made everything wetter. "I-I don't think so..."

Marianne climbed back into bed and spread Hilda's legs wide. Hilda hadn't thought she would be that excited about the strap but she enjoyed Marianne's enthusiasm. Hilda braced her hands against Marianne's shoulders as she slowly pushed the dildo inside of Hilda. Hilda gasped quietly, both at the sensation and the fact that the dildo was a little on the chilly side. Marianne smiled gently at her and Hilda's heart melted. She'd seen that same look while they were in this exact position before but she never knew what it meant. Now, she did.

"I love you," Hilda whispered as she brought her hands up to cup Marianne's face. "God, I love you so much."

Marianne bent down to kiss her. "I love you too," she mumbled against Hilda's mouth. 

Slowly, Marianne began to rock in and out of Hilda. Hilda groaned and wrapped her legs tightly around Marianne's body as her hands gripped onto Marianne's hair and neck. Marianne was hitting her perfectly, each pass sending a shock of pleasure through her body. Moaning could hardly convey the pleasure she was feeling to Marianne.

"H-Harder, please," Hilda moaned. "Mari, I love you. Please fuck me harder."

Marianne could hardly disobey a beg like that. She adjusted a bit and started to fuck Hilda harder. Her breathing became heavier and more labored as she went.

Hilda was building up fast. She pressed her hips forward to meet each of Marianne's thrusts, pressing the dildo deep inside her. She could barely breathe. She had missed Marianne so much.

"F-Faster. Don't stop," Hilda pleaded. She slipped her hand between them to rub her clit. Marianne was fucking her so well and Hilda hadn't felt so good in such a long time. The creaking of the bed was about the only thing that could compete with Hilda for the 'loudest thing in the room' trophy. Hilda was not holding anything back. "I'm-I'm gonna," but she couldn't finish as her words were broken up by a moan and the heavy wave of her orgasm.

Marianne's knee slipped and she jerked forward, pushing deep into Hilda. Hilda winced as the dildo pushed her uncomfortably in the wrong direction. Marianne had come to a stop to regain her balance, planting her hands on either side of Hilda's head as she refound her position. It was clear she needed to catch her breath too, her heavy breathing almost sounding like a wheeze. 

"Ah, sorry!" she said quickly. "Sorry, I slipped."

Hilda shook her head lazily. She was still swimming from her orgasm. "It's okay," she said in a dreamy voice. Her breathing still hadn't returned to normal and she laughed breathlessly. "I came. You're fine."

Marianne let out a relieved sigh. "I thought I messed up right as you were about to finish."

"No, no. I came right before." Hilda cupped Marianne's face in her hands. "That was amazing, Mari. You did wonderfully."

Marianne smiled, her cheeks tinged bright red. "I'm a little out of practice so I'm glad I could serve you."

Hilda sunk into the bed. "You could've fooled me. I haven't felt that good in a long time, Mari... God, I think I'm tapped out for the evening. Orgasming just really takes it out of you."

Marianne raised her eyebrow and smirked. "I wouldn't know."

"Right," Hilda said with a small sigh. She looped her arms around Marianne's neck. "What can I do for you, my dear?"

"I'll do it myself if that's okay." Marianne leaned forward to kiss her. She rocked her hips and savored the quiet moan Hilda emitted against her lips. "I see you brought the vibrator along as well..."

Hilda nodded and let Marianne get up. She watched as Marianne cleaned up the toy. She disappeared to the bathroom to clean everything up. Hilda knew she should try and pee but didn't have the energy to get up from the bed. Her eyes closed and she dozed off for a minute.

Hilda woke again when she felt Marianne climb back into bed. She searched blindly with her hands until she found Marianne's breast and then pulled herself closer to them. She heard Marianne laugh but she didn't care. Marianne had made her feel so good. She wanted to return whatever of that she could. It didn't take long for Marianne to cum several times with Hilda grabbing at her and whispering soft, sleepy praises into her ear. 

They cuddled up once everything was done and put away. They were still naked and Hilda was absently grinding herself against Marianne's thigh. It felt nice to keep herself in a state of slight arousal and Marianne's thigh was soft and easy to move against. They were making out in a sloppy and tired way. It seemed even with little energy, they didn't want to give up on the evening.

"Can I ask you something?" Marianne murmured as she pulled away from Hilda.

"Hm?"

"You could have anyone. There are people who would take you in a heartbeat. Why do you want me, Hilda? Why put yourself through all this?"

Hilda let out a long sigh as she tried to think of an answer. Her brain was slow but, eventually, found the words she wanted to say. "You know, since high school, I've kinda felt lost. I was just existing. Taking up space. I never really felt like I belonged anywhere... Except when I was with you. And losing you, I was back in that spiral of not knowing where I should be. I didn't want to be anywhere but... home. Sure, maybe I could have anyone in the world. But I don't want just anyone. I want my Marianne. The girl I would woo a thousand times over in every lifetime... If I have to explain it more than that I don't know how."

Marianne shifted and brought Hilda tight into her chest. "Welcome home then, Hilda."

Tears sprung to Hilda's eyes and she couldn't stop them from falling. "I-I'm glad to be back..."


	7. Someday I'll Find My Way Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someday I'll Find My Way Home - Carole and Tuesday
> 
> Welcome to the end, friends. If you haven't listened to a song that's been in the title for this whole thing, I really recommend you listen to this one. I hope you enjoy this last chapter and I'll see you all in the next one.
> 
> Thank you!

"You nervous?" Holst asked as he fixed his tie in the mirror of Hilda's dressing room.

"Hella," Hilda mumbled as she closed her eyes to let Dorothea touch up her makeup.

Holst chuckled. "Yeah, you don't say 'hella' very often."

"Quiet, please," Dorothea muttered. "I'm trying to focus." She was bent over trying to get as close to Hilda's face as she could.

Her day had been quite stressful so far so Hilda did feel for her. She was doing double duty and was keeping tabs on both Marianne and Hilda. Apparently, Marianne had been having trouble with her dress and then her hair refused to cooperate. Hilda was trying her best to be a model bride for her overworked matron of honor. She also made a mental note to get Dorothea a very, very nice gift for everything she was doing.

"That should do it," Dorothea said, standing back to admire her work. "Don't touch anything. If I come back and _anything_ is ruined, you will be limping down that aisle. Got it?"

Hilda nodded slowly, afraid that moving her head too quickly would mess up her hair. "Understood." She could only imagine what Dorothea's wedding day had been like if she was this stressed over one that wasn't her own.

"Okay, I have to check on Marianne now." Dorothea let out a soft sigh and packed up her makeup. She muttered under her breath, "Her makeup was already done but she's been teary since she put the dress on so I'm sure she'll need touch-ups..."

Hilda's heart fluttered thinking about Marianne in her dress and all done up to walk down the aisle. She, of course, hadn't seen the dress. Claude had gone with Marianne, however, and told Hilda that it was a beautiful dress. She bit back her tears, not wanting Dorothea to see her start getting teary-eyed and scold her for doing so. 

Once Dorothea was packed she turned to Holst and pulled him aside. Although she was whispering, Hilda heard every word. "Try and calm her down a little, will you?" Dorothea mumbled. "She's wound up like a spring." Dorothea left the room quickly after that.

"Everything's going to go perfectly," Holst said kindly. "We practiced yesterday. You look amazing. I made it through mine so you can do yours."

Hilda rolled her eyes. "I don't want to hear how good I look from you." She turned to the mirror and looked at herself.

A white dress. She never thought she'd be wearing one. At least not attending a wedding with Marianne. It fit snugly against her body then flared into an a-line skirt. The sweetheart neckline dipped fairly low between her breasts and the bodice was made of lace in a floral pattern. Her seamstress had done an amazing job with alterations to make the dress fit; but, then again Hilda's parents paid a pretty penny for it. She held her hands out in front of her and watched them shake in the mirror. She hadn't felt so nervous in a long time.

Holst came up behind her and rested a hand on her shoulder. "You really are beautiful. I can't wait for Marianne to see you."

Hilda bit her lip as she tried to hold back tears. He was trying to be helpful; but, she was already blubbering over how cute she thought Marianne was going to be. She didn't want to think about what Marianne would be like when they saw each other. "I can't wait to see her," she murmured.

There was a soft knock at the door and Hilda called for them to come in. In walked Holst's wife with their daughter behind her, clinging tightly to her mother's skirt. "Someone wanted to see Auntie," she said brightly. 

Hilda turned and smiled at them. "Oh, did she? Come here, my little potato." Hilda shuffled over and picked the baby up in her arms. "Come to wish me luck? I'm gonna need all of it."

The baby smiled and let out a small laugh. Then, she hid her face behind her hands.

"She's going through a shy phase," Holst explained. "Doesn't like talking with others much but is a total Chatty Kathy at home."

"Aw, well that's okay," Hilda cooed. "We can still dance." She started to turn in slow circles, humming softly a made-up tune.

Holst watched them with a soft smile on his face. "Don't tire yourself out," he said with a chuckle. "You've got someone else waiting for their first dance tonight."

Dorothea entered the room again. She took Hilda in and seemed to be satisfied with her appearance. "Hilda, it's almost time. Come on."

Hilda nodded and handed the baby back off to Holst. "See you guys later," she said as she followed Dorothea out into the hall.

"Alright, just like we practiced," Dorothea said as she fussed over Hilda's dress to fix it. "Deep breath in." She waited for Hilda to take a breath and hold it. "And out." Hilda exhaled slowly. "Good girl. You can do this. I'm off to get started. Your parents are waiting for you by the entrance." She quickly guided Hilda close to where her parents were before splitting off from her.

Hilda approached her parents slowly. They were chatting quietly in the little alcove right before the entrance of the ceremony hall. They stopped abruptly when they saw their daughter. Her mother was almost instantly in tears and pounced on Hilda to bring her into a big hug.

"Careful of my makeup," Hilda said gently, patting her mother's back. "Dorothea is going to kill me if it's messed up."

Her mother pulled away and wiped her eyes, sniffling loudly. Hilda remembered that she'd been a complete wreck at Holst's wedding and only seemed to be holding up mildly better at hers. "You look beautiful, darling," she said in awe.

"Thank you." Hilda looked between both of her parents and grabbed their hands. "And thank you for both walking me. It means a lot."

Her father smiled and gave her a clap on the shoulder. "Well, we wouldn't miss this for the world. We can't wait for Marianne to finally be apart of our family. We were so happy when you asked us to escort you down the aisle."

Hilda was holding back tears again. She fanned her eyes. "S-Stop. I'm going to cry."

Her father squeezed her shoulder. "I know that we weren't the most understanding when you first told us. However, your mother and I have never seen you as happy as you have been since you became engaged. You picked a good one, Hilda."

Hilda nodded, her heart nearly giving out. She had never thought that she would get to please her parents and marry Marianne at the same time. And yet... "Th-Thank you, Dad... I love you guys."

Hilda grabbed onto her parents' arms and they made their way to the entrance of the ceremony hall. The bridal parties were already waiting to start chatting amongst themselves. A silence fell over them as they all laid eyes on Hilda. Soft compliments were given to Hilda as the women in the party fawned over her. Then the music started and they all were forced down the aisle.

Finally, it was Hilda's turn. Her heart was pounding as her parents guided her to the altar. The parties were standing off to the side watching her come down with broad smiles on their faces. Hilda couldn't help but smile back. She made it to the altar and her parents kissed her before taking their seats. Hilda took a deep breath and Dorothea gently touched her side to ease her. The officiant greeted Hilda kindly and told her she looked lovely.

Hilda turned. Marianne was walking down the aisle, her father accompanying her. Hilda's heart stopped and she could barely breathe. Marianne was beautiful; she looked like nothing less than a goddess. Claude hadn't been lying about Marianne's dress. It was perfect for her. Its long train trailed after her as she walked gracefully down the aisle. See-through lace sleeves clung to her arms, up her neck, and down the bodice of the dress.

For a second, the room froze as they made eye contact. It took everything in Hilda to not sprint down the aisle and pick Marianne up in her arms. Tears sprung to Hilda's eyes. She could barely hold them back. _Wait until she's at least on the altar_ , Hilda scolded herself. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to hold out.

Marianne stepped up across from Hilda and pecked her father's cheek. He smiled and took his seat next to Hilda's parents. Now that she was so close, Hilda could see she was already crying. It was just a stray tear here and there but she was. She smiled and mouthed, "Beautiful."

Hilda smiled back but couldn't bring herself to form any words. Her brain was barely working. She could feel the tears already beginning to fall freely. How was Marianne holding up better than her? 

Hilda couldn't remember much of the ceremony. She was too engrossed in Marianne and the pounding in her chest was too loud to hear much anyway. Marianne seemed to be listening to everything that was being said, but she was holding Hilda's eye contact with a soft gaze of her own. Suddenly, Hilda had to participate. She said her vows and listened to Marianne's. Rings were exchanged. Then they kissed softly to thunderous applause from the guests and Hilda felt embarrassed for some reason. Almost like she had forgotten anyone was there watching them at all. 

The two quickly left down the aisle, their hands folded tightly together as they went. Their parties followed after them and Dorothea shepherded everyone away for pictures while guests were ushered to the reception area to wait for the brides to return.

Claude was leaning on Hilda as they watched Marianne take pictures with her family. "Proud of you, sister," he said casually. "You secured yourself a lifelong bone partner."

Hilda rolled her eyes. "And what about you, huh? You and Lorenz have been going out for quite some time now. Gonna marry him?"

Claude shrugged. "If he proposes, I won't say no. I can see it in my future too. And you and Marianne have to be my co-best men."

"Interesting idea... Marianne would like stunning in a tux."

Claude shoved Hilda gently. "You think she looks good in pretty much anything."

"Okay, but you're going to look at her and you're gonna tell me that I'm wrong?"

"Oh, you're absolutely correct that she's gorgeous. Your opinion is just invalid because she could be wearing the ugliest thing you've ever seen and you would still have stars in your eyes."

"Hilda," Marianne called waving her hand. "Pictures, dear."

"We'll have to put a pin in this," Hilda said patting Claude's chest. She skipped off to take pictures with Marianne and her family.

Pictures took some time. There were pictures with Marianne's family, pictures of Hilda's family, pictures of the brides and the parties, pictures of just Hilda and Holst, pictures of Hilda and Marianne doing just about anything, pictures of them kissing, pictures and more pictures.

When pictures ended, the party was introduced before dinner. The groups danced into the reception area and sat at their tables. Marianne and Hilda sat at their sweetheart table. Before dinner, Claude, Dorothea, and Holst gave speeches on behalf of the newlyweds. 

For their first dance, Hilda pulled Marianne out onto the floor. They had both changed into much lighter and easier to move in dresses for their reception. Hilda had told Marianne that she didn't have to, but she strongly suggested it. Marianne had been a bit hesitant because she didn't want to spend the extra money but Hilda assured her it was perfectly okay. She could have whatever she wanted. It seemed that Marianne was happy with her choice now. Hilda brought Marianne in tight and rested her head against Marianne's shoulder. The song played as they moved slowly across the floor.

"What does this remind you of?" Hilda whispered.

"Stupidly enough, prom," Marianne whispered back.

"I was just thinking that. Isn't that silly? I know we chose this song because we slow danced at prom to it, but I didn't think it would bring back the memory so vividly."

Marianne chuckled. "Well, at least it's a happy one."

When their dance was finished, Hilda danced with her father. He seemed incredibly happy to be dancing with her and Hilda was fairly certain she saw tears in his eyes, though he wouldn't admit to it. Marianne did the same with her father as Hilda watched from the sidelines. She had cuddled up with Holst as she watched. He was talking quietly about how amazing Marianne was, but Hilda was mostly tuning him out. Her mind was only filled with Marianne.

The ceremonies ended with Hilda taking off Marianne's garter; which in retrospect, Hilda wasn't sure why Marianne agreed to let her. Their deal had essentially broken down to Marianne would do the bouquet toss and Hilda would remove the garter. Hilda hadn't had any strong opinions on anything regarding the wedding so that might've been why Marianne let her. It wasn't like they had to do it, but Hilda thought it would be funny. Marianne's face was bright red as Hilda rooted around under her skirt to pull down the garment. Although she looked like she would've rather been anywhere else at that moment, Hilda could tell she was still having fun. Then Hilda tossed it to the single men in the room, only for it to be caught by Claude. Claude then toted it around all evening like a victory prize.

After that, the two were mostly split up for the evening. They were too busy entertaining guests and thanking everyone for coming to have a moment of peace. It didn't help that each of them had relatives that they hadn't seen in a while that apparently needed every detail of their lives. Hilda had it double as bad because plenty of her parents' friends had attended the wedding. They also seemed to be very interested in what Hilda had been up to. If the newlyweds managed to see each other in passing, they would spare a kiss and a sweet nothing before moving on to the next family member or friend to mingle with.

Hilda dragged her feet as Marianne held open the hotel room door for her. She set their bags on the sofa and then fell onto the bed. She was exhausted from entertaining all evening and her feet were actually killing her. She was pretty sure she could pass out at any moment.

Marianne came and sat beside her. She rubbed her back gently. "I'm going to shower before bed," Marianne said quietly. "I'm very sweaty and grimy. Would you like to join me?"

Hilda nodded. "Give me a second. My legs are jelly right now."

Marianne laid on top of her and pressed down, squishing Hilda to the bed. Hilda groaned softly but Marianne's weight instantly calmed her down. Her body relaxed and she suddenly felt like she had more energy. She hadn't even known she was so wound up. 

"Thanks," Hilda murmured. "I didn't realize I was tense."

"You never do," Marianne said with a small laugh. She kissed the back of Hilda's neck. "Usually, when we mingle with your family for a long time, you unconsciously get tense. I'll give you a little massage in the shower. How does that sound?"

"Amazing," Hilda whimpered. 

Marianne helped her up from the bed and walked her to the bathroom. They undressed each other, though Hilda's hands moved clumsily and fumbled through most of it. Once they were in the shower, Marianne made good on her promise and massaged Hilda's shoulders. She moved on to washing Hilda's body and Hilda returned the favor for her. 

They talked quietly, reminiscing about the day and also talking about what they were going to do tomorrow. Marianne hadn't been able to get time off for a honeymoon for another two weeks so they were going to be living rather normal lives as if nothing had even happened. They were discussing what they would eat for dinner that week and who would be cooking. Hilda was also putting together a list of things they needed outside of groceries. Dish soap, more deodorant, they were running low on tampons, and she was pretty sure they were going to need more toothpaste soon. Little things that seemed insignificant on their big day but Hilda liked talking about it. It cemented in her mind that their lives were intertwined.

They climbed into bed after their shower. Marianne wrapped her arms around Hilda, bringing her in tightly to her side. Hilda let out a soft sigh and snuggled in close. Marianne smelled like hotel soap and not the rosy scent she'd been wearing all day. Hilda was a little disappointed.

"Um... were we going to consummate this marriage tonight?" Marianne asked shyly.

"I would love to, dear, but I can barely stay awake right now," Hilda mumbled. "If you want to do something for yourself and I can be very passively involved, we can do that. But actual sex, I don't think I can stay awake for. Don't think it would be very fun for either of us if I passed out in the middle."

Marianne nodded. "Yeah. That's fair."

Hilda propped herself up on her elbow so she could look down at Marianne. "Also, we had sex two nights ago. Are you horny or..?"

Marianne shook her head. "No. No, it's not that. I was just asking since that's what you're supposed to do. I'm pretty tired too so it's fine that we don't."

"We can have sex first thing in the morning. I promise." She laid back down and looped her arms around Marianne's neck. She kissed her softly and Marianne returned it in earnest. Hilda pulled away after only a moment. "If you want to masturbate, I'll whisper some praises to you. I'm awake enough for that."

Marianne shook her head. "That's alright. I can wait until we're both in the mood in the morning. Besides, I can live with us just lying here."

Hilda kissed Marianne lightly on the cheek. "Yeah... Just being beside you makes me feel amazing... I'm glad I get to do that for the rest of my life."

Marianne's grip around Hilda tightened. "Me too, Hilda. Me too."


End file.
